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What happens when you don’t want to feel? Consequences of emotional avoidance
Psychology
The psychologist Silvia González and the psychologist Jesús Matos explain what happens when we block our emotions and avoid feeling
PM2:14Do a memory exercise. Remember the last time you were nervous and someone told you, “But calm down!” What happened? (We leave you these seconds to think about the answer) Indeed. You got more nervous. And so when we are sad, what usually happens to us when we try not to experience sadness? Well yes, sadness tends to increase …
And it is that the attempts by suppress thoughts and emotions, have the opposite effect to that expected … When we try not to feel, the frequency intensity and the duration of our emotional states increases.
In a classic 1984 study, participants were asked to make every attempt not to think of a white bear for a specified amount of time. If they happened to think of the bear, they had to ring a bell.
Do you know what happened? The people who participated in the study did not stop ringing the bell … And that thinking of a white bear is a neutral thought that does not usually generate intense emotions.
But the experiment went even further … Different people were asked to write their thinkingBut one group was asked to suppress those that had to do with a person they held dear. What happened was that those who repressed thoughts dreamed twice more about the person they loved than those who did not have to repress them.
People who develop a coping style that has to do with emotional repressionthat is, they try not to feel, they have higher levels of anxiety, sadness, more mental health problems, lower levels of physical health and lower levels of psychological well-being.
A first step to learn to manage emotions it is learning to accept them, and then regulate them effectively. There is a positive relationship between the level of emotional intelligence and physical and mental health, job and academic success, and success in relationships and friendships.
Our advice is to stop trying to avoid feeling how you feel and step up to emotional acceptance.
Jesús Matos and Silvia González are part of the team of «In mental balance» (evidence-based psychology). Matos has a Master’s degree in clinical and health psychology (UCM) and in Legal and Forensic Psychology (European Foundation of Psychology). He is the author of the book “Good morning, Joy” (Zenith), director of the website enequilibriomental.net, collaborator of specialized scientific media and speaker at numerous national and international conferences.
Silvia González is a psychologist, with a master’s degree in Clinical and Health Psychology and a Master’s degree in General Health Psychology. She has worked at the University Psychology Clinic of the UCM, where she has also been a tutor for the students of the University Master’s Degree in General Health Psychology. In the field of teaching, he has given informative workshops such as “Emotional understanding and regulation workshop”, “Workshop to improve public speaking skills” or “Test anxiety workshop”.