The entire article “Accustoming to reasonable communication” is one big conflict and irritant for me as a woman (this is a fragment from a discussion on the Mosaic Forum, megarulez.ru). A woman, even the most infantile, does not want, and will never accept, that she would be brought up. She is not a child. Marital relations are completely different, no matter how similar they are to a father-daughter relationship. No, I understand, there are defachki and homemade chickens, who are led people in life or just like a “submissive oriental woman”, I myself like to play this from time to time. Especially when the mood is good and my man deserves it, there is no bad word, it’s better to say, it made me want to treat him like that and make him as pleasant as possible with his respectful, gentle attitude towards me. And I did not feel in his behavior a single gram of desire to dominate or educate, especially to train.
In short, no extensions from above where you have not been instructed or allowed to do this in a specific life situation. Otherwise (sooner or later) there will be a common variant of the possible response: escalation of the conflict, hidden resentment, neuroses-psychoses (that one does not exclude the other), and, in the end, either people will part or a lover will appear.
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Quote: “If you are offended and“ I’m bad, ”it will not suit me. If you want to discuss something with me, first calm down and remove the reproaches. Are you okay?» (N.I. Kozlov)
If people love each other and value both each other and their relationships, then sooner or later they come to an agreement. Rather, they have a chance to come to an agreement. The technology given in the article “Training to Intelligent Communication” really works.
What happens to those who are against the process of education and self-education? — History from life. There were two, mother and daughter. I didn’t see my mother, I didn’t know, but I worked with my daughter in the same organization, she was a pretty, benevolent woman, caring and reasonably fair, not a gossip, not a whiner, not a lazy person, cautious in “friendship”, as an employee was in good standing. One day, she suddenly wrote an application for immediate payment and quit.
After a while we met on the street and she told me that she was leaving the city. It turns out that she had a difficult relationship with her mother, and they all lived together — the daughter’s family and mother, living conditions allowed, and after another hypertensive crisis of her daughter, her husband’s patience snapped and he literally forced her to decide to move to the village where he had an old house left as a legacy.
The difficult relationship was that the mother did not accept any upbringing from either her daughter or her son-in-law, what can we say about grandchildren. She was so selflessly self-sufficient that she did not even allow the thought that someone could teach her something … even the same communication, speaking extremely impartially about those who tried to offer her some other style of communication and behavior besides , which was once chosen by her once and for all. “I don’t need anyone, I know everything myself,” and so on — this is her usual position, not counting the endless reproaches of everyone and everyone by name in everything in the world or in detail. The mother reacted coldly and calmly to the transfer of her daughter.
The daughter did not take anything from home. Nothing at all. The family left with a couple of suitcases. A new life, why take old things from home, where every thing, even acquired by a daughter, the mother appointed herself the mistress.
A few months later, the mother came to her neighbor and asked to be an intermediary in establishing contacts with her daughter. To the surprise of the neighbor, she answered: “I realized what loneliness is … and I realized that I love my daughter, I have no more relatives and I want to tell her that I was wrong and I hope to improve our relationship. The neighbor was also surprised because this woman, with her categorical attitude, repelled everyone, sooner or later, including her neighbors.”
The metamorphosis that happened to the woman allowed the mother and daughter, with the participation of an intermediary, to restore relations. Distance also helped. Radical measures were needed … for the mother to hear the quoted phrase from the article. And it’s good that she still managed to hear … But for many, it doesn’t work out …