Contents
A dream that repeats itself over and over again can carry an encrypted message. Psychotherapist Toby Nathan explains how we in our nightmares try to cope with the fear of death.
Ariana’s dream, 40 years old
“That morning I woke up sweaty from a nightmare: my husband told me that a close friend of mine had died. I was terrified, I did not understand how I would be without her. And then I began to reason: it’s okay, life does not stop. I discovered that she had not actually died. She was cooking a barbecue in the garden in some ridiculous outfit – in shorts and high rubber boots. I thought, “Poor thing, she looks masculine despite her best efforts to look sexy.” I hid so they wouldn’t see me. And along the path someone walked with the results of the exam in their hands. I woke up in a very anxious state.”
Interpretation
Your dream exhibits two general mechanisms. Sleep is a way to find a solution to a problem. When this fails, anxiety appears and the dream turns into a nightmare. What is the problem in your case?
You told me that you were very weakened by a few deaths. Especially the death of a close friend last December. Since then, in your own words, you’ve been “a little crazy.” You began to get a lot nervous, aggression appeared in you, you are constantly on edge.
It seems that death scared you so much that since then you seem to be constantly watching it so that it cannot catch you unexpectedly. This is the problem that you are trying to solve in your dream – how to calmly survive a death for which you were not ready?
Read more:
- “I’m afraid of losing those who are dear to me”
I asked you what news scared you the first time. News of your uncle’s suicide? You were still very young. Or your mother’s statement that she’s going to kick your father out the door? Not! Now you know. You were 9 years old, you went to the sea with your parents. Your father was there, for once he was relaxed. It was then that your mother turned to you and uttered this monstrous phrase: “He smokes and drinks so much that it is amazing how he is still alive …” She called him dead before he really was gone. Remembering this story, you still experience horror, as for the first time, and the same fear comes with every news of death. In a dream, a cunning trick is offered to you – the thought of your girlfriend’s excessive masculinity distracts you from anxiety about her death. Then the news of death turns into harmless news about the results of the exam. But these tricks don’t work, and your anxiety levels are rising.
Death constantly breaks you, and you are defenseless against it. Water is the only means of protection, starting from the womb. You remembered that as a child your grandfather taught you how to find springs with a stick. Let me give you a piece of advice, dear Ariana – find one of the springs from your childhood and take a dip in its waters. You can’t abolish death, but you can at least mitigate its effect.
Tobie Nathan, professor of clinical psychology at Paris VIII University (France), author of research papers on ethnopsychotherapy, writer, founder of a counseling center for psychological assistance to migrant families, author of the blog tobienathan.wordpress.com