Desire, pleasure slip into reality when the too-smooth everyday life cracks and leaves room for the unpredictable. Psychology professor and ethnopsychotherapist Tobie Nathan explains what the dream “I’m ashamed of being seen” means.
Dream of Mary, 34 years old
“I have had the same dream for many years. I have an irresistible desire to masturbate. The place where I am is absolutely not suitable for this: there are people around. I try to hide, but in vain. I still masturbate. Surprisingly, people do not pay attention to me; they pass by, look the other way. It hurts me to think that they saw me and condemn or laugh. I am overwhelmed with anxiety, from which awakening frees me.
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You told me that you have been masturbating since early childhood. Once, when you were 5 or 6 years old, you were caught by one of the adults. He scolded you, but no more. After all, here, in a dream, almost the same scene is repeated? With the same question: “What did he really think?” Perhaps the dream is only resurrecting the memory of a disturbing scene from the past? Or, you wonder, is he also talking about the present? We discussed your relationship with your husband. They are based on love and trust – relationships between adults who share the same values. So everything is good on this side? Not really… After your second child is born, he wants you less. If you don’t take the first step yourself, nothing happens. Of course, you talk about it, but nothing changes. You are a whole person, a passionate woman. You would like to regain the fire of love passion of the first years. Your sexual relationship, as it is, does not satisfy you. Of course, you are happy with them, but they do not give you pleasure.
Pass the tests
- What do your sexual fantasies say about you?
In order to enjoy reality, you resort to masturbation and fantasies involving the men you meet during the day and who showed their interest with a look, a word … The situation in fantasies is the opposite of what you have with your husband: they are active, they insist, they try to persuade you, almost force you … But it seems that this is not enough. Hence the dream … What does it mean?
You are a bright active person – organize, plan, manage. The whole house rests on you, and the husband is pleased with this situation … How to relax and enjoy if you are responsible for everything? Pleasure requires surprise, surprise. This is what your dream regularly reminds you of: did someone see me, took me by surprise? How does the other person see me? You said that you had this dream for the first time after your first sexual encounter. I think it recurs after sexual contact and beyond.
Read more:
- Toby Nathan: “I’m fighting spirits”
My advice is about the same as your dream. Desire, pleasure, slip into reality when the too-smooth everyday life cracks and leaves little room for the unpredictable. Surprise your husband! Don’t end up where he’s waiting for you. Let him be surprised, jealous, perhaps. And then he will surprise you in turn.