“If the dead come into our dreams, it is not to lure us into their world, but to force us to live on.” Psychology professor and ethnopsychotherapist explains why we dream of dead people.
Clarissa, 45 years old: “Almost every night I dream about my dead mother. I recently had a particularly difficult dream. I am in a dark house. The funeral home women locked themselves in the room with her. Finally they leave and I am left alone with my mother. She tells me, “You know, they sucked all my blood and gave me new blood. But be careful, with the new blood, I will live only two weeks, and then I will die for real, forever. So, if you want to tell me something, hurry up, now is the best time. Then it will be too late.” Then everything mixed up and she disappeared.”
In the dream, your mother seemed completely alive, but as soon as you opened your eyes, you realized that it was an illusion, and the world seemed to you even more empty than the day before. Such dreams are truly terrible, dear Clarissa. They revive the pain of loss, it seems that it is impossible to get used to the fact that there is no person. As if you were peeling off the crust from unhealed wounds. You wake up in unbearable mental anguish, and almost every morning, because you often dream about your mother.
This time everything was especially hard, because the dream was very similar to the truth. He brought to mind the day of the funeral when the women at the funeral home asked you to leave the room to prepare the body for burial. They made you angry, they chatted among themselves, they did their job.
When the women opened the door, one of them said a phrase that still haunts you: “Everything is ready, you can come in. Look how beautiful she is.” You confessed to me that it was a terrible moment, you didn’t recognize your mother at all. This memory is intertwined with another, perhaps even more painful, of the day your mother died.
You were only gone for a few minutes, and you spent many weeks at her bedside, but it was in those few minutes that she was gone. You were not around when she died, you may not have heard her last words… In the church, the priest also wanted to finish the funeral as soon as possible. The ceremony turned out to be soulless, and you were left alone with your pain.
In your dream, you meet the women from the morgue again – this time they infuse your mother with fresh blood so that she can stay with you for a couple more weeks. After all, this is exactly what you need? You want to talk to her one last time.
The famous scene from Canto XI of Homer’s Odyssey, which I advise you to read, may perhaps clarify your dream. Ulysses questions the souls of the dead about their future. He sacrifices a lamb and gives them blood so that the dead will rise. The shadow of Anticlea, his mother, appears and tells him how to get to the port.
I am convinced that this is the meaning of your dream – you would like your mother to show you your future. However, if the dead come into our dreams, it is not to lure us into their world, but to force us to live on.
About the expert: Toby Nathan, professor of clinical psychology at Paris VIII University (France), author of research papers on ethnopsychotherapy, writer, founder of a counseling center for psychological assistance to migrant families