What does success mean to you?

Many people strive to be successful. Is there something wrong here? Let’s face it: success is better than failure. Winning is better than losing. But the reasons why we strive for success can be different. It is useful to plan and set goals – but it is also very important to understand why we need success, that is, to be aware of our motivation. If you do not understand your own motivation, then achieving success can turn into a personal ruin for you.

How do you feel about success and failure?

The desire to feel like a person worthy of respect is the worst reason for striving for success. If you need success by all means to feel good about yourself, your self-esteem will forever remain connected to external circumstances. To determine if you fall into this category, you can think about how you feel after a failed meeting or speech.

It’s okay if for a while after that you are disappointed, a little depressed, or imagine how it could be done better. But if you feel shame, anger or despondency for a long time, it means that your self-esteem has become dependent on your success. And this is a dangerous and unhealthy attitude towards yourself.

What about success in solving a particular problem? When you achieve it, do you feel worthy and competent – and perhaps consider yourself a little better than others? So you compare yourself to others to determine what you are worth. And if you are not superior to others at least in something, then you cease to appreciate yourself. This is also a dangerous and unhealthy attitude towards yourself.

Success as compensation

Many extremely successful people aspired to the top to compensate for their former weakness. They came from poor families and decided never to be in need again. Or it was difficult for them to study and at school they were considered stupid, so they decided by any means to become richer than the “wise men” with whom they were compared.

Some didn’t like the way they looked someone suffered from eating disorders – and this turned out to be their path to success. Remember that proverb – “you can’t be too rich or too thin”?

One can recall many people whose path to success lay through suffering and danger. But the feeling of one’s own vulnerability is like a huge hole in the soul, and the success achieved does not change anything here. Those who sought to succeed in order to make up for the lack of something important will still feel empty. The greatest success will not eliminate the breach in the sense of security. The pursuit of success becomes endless, because this void cannot be filled by any achievement.

Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem

If you find that everything that has just been said about you can be said about you, do not despair. There is an exit. You don’t have to strive for success just because you’re always unfulfilled. If you learn to distinguish between self-confidence and self-esteem, you can enjoy success without becoming a slave to it.

Self-confidence will vary somewhat depending on the success achieved. Notice the word “several”. It is quite natural that our mood in case of success will be better than in case of failure. And it is not surprising that as a result of unsuccessful actions, self-confidence decreases. But these fluctuations are not too great.

If self-confidence is measured on a scale from 0 to 100, you won’t have 20 if you fail and 90 if you succeed. If you compete at a level that suits your ability and if you prepare properly, you have earned the right to be confident no matter the outcome. Of course, you don’t like to fail or lose. But your basic self-confidence won’t be destroyed if things don’t go the way you planned.

If self-confidence differs greatly depending on whether you have been lucky or successful, then it is very likely that you are confusing it with self-esteem. Self-respect is based on how you feel about yourself as a person. What kind of father, brother, husband, friend are you, what kind of mother, sister, daughter are you? Are your actions based on values ​​and moral principles? Do you believe in something bigger than yourself? Do you feel deep confidence in yourself? If yes, then this trust will not change too much depending on your progress at the moment.

And if it varies, then you are letting the results of your actions determine how well you feel about yourself as a person. Your success affects your self-esteem, it determines your self-worth. That’s why the hole in the soul never fills up. You try to achieve more success in order to feel better, but it is never enough, and you often become unscrupulous about the means to achieve it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting and striving for success. Risk occurs when we feel a desperate need to be successful in order to improve our relationship with ourselves. And if the pursuit of excellence is based on healthy motivation, then success will not keep you waiting!