Contents
In difficult moments of life, we can feel an impulse inside, a desire to go to a psychologist, seek help. But for some reason we don’t do it. Together with an expert, let’s try to figure out what is stopping us and how to deal with it.
Half of my clients at the first session say that they had been planning to go to therapy for a long time, for a consultation, but could not decide. Doubts could overcome them for several years. One can imagine how long a desire is brewed inside a person, a need accumulates, but there is no realization. And the problem is growing, the condition is deteriorating.
There is another option when we try to partially realize a desire by watching psychologists’ webinars, lectures, starting to read literature, scrolling through the pages of social networks. But we still do not go into live contact, directly for a consultation with a specialist.
What is stopping us? I want to name everything that can arise in our soul and that we may not even be fully aware of.
Fear
The most common feeling, even with a strong desire: I want, and I’m scared. A lot of things can scare a person in the matter of a live consultation. “What if they hurt me? What if they reject me right away and don’t want to work with me? And if my problem is generally unsolvable and they immediately tell me that I will have to live with it like that?
Often a person is afraid that he will be sent to see a doctor for medicines. Even the path from your home to your office can be scary: “What if I get lost? What if I’m late and they kick me out or they don’t accept me?
This feeling is irrational, and there is no need to look for logic in it. The most important thing I would like to convey is that fear is normal. We are all afraid of something, consciously or not. The monsters outside aren’t really as scary as our own inside.
No Guarantees and Uncertainty
We can be stopped by a situation of uncertainty, when I don’t know what will happen there, what they will ask me about and whether there will be at least some understandable promises to help, deadlines. Most of us find it difficult to tolerate situations in which we do not understand how to behave and what to expect, this is a normal state. It is important to be honest: the first visit to a psychologist is a new, unexplored and, perhaps, difficult to endure event due to the high level of uncertainty. This state completely disappears at the first meeting, when the psychologist tells how the work works.
Shame
Shame is the experience of one’s own «badness». And thoughts may arise: “If I need to see a psychologist, it turns out that I am some kind or some kind of abnormal (th)? I what? I can’t manage on my own, am I weak? Am I stupid?
Shame is one of the strongest stopping and unpleasant feelings. Catching yourself at this point, it is important to remember: contacting a psychologist is not ashamed! We go to specialists primarily to improve the quality of our own lives, and this is absolutely normal.
Lack of internal and external support
This is the absence of a supportive figure inside who, in difficult situations, can say: «It’s all right, keep going, you’re doing great and you can do it.» It is the voice of approval within us.
In childhood, these figures are outside, appearing in the face of our loved ones. Over the years, they integrate into us, become our own voices of support. Alas, not everyone is lucky: not everyone receives in childhood and not everyone can keep such support within themselves.
And yet, telling relatives about our desire to turn to a psychologist, we can easily hear that we do not need it. And get tips to go to the gym or talk to a friend. Let’s not blame relatives for this — they themselves can be frightened by the idea of turning to a psychologist.
Devaluation (own and others)
It is a process where others or ourselves downplay our difficulties. An example of one’s own devaluation: «Just think, the problem is, I’m not a child starving in Africa.» An example of someone else’s depreciation: “Oh, stop it, you don’t suffer so much, it’s difficult for everyone now and nothing, you’ll be sad and everything will pass.”
Meeting with your real feelings and understanding them will help you find support and still try to make your life better. In order to come to a psychologist, you need to mature inside by 70%. This is a very large and complex internal work.
Working with a specialist is an attempt to get to know ourselves, how we are arranged in order to improve the quality of life and become happy. It is quite normal to come simply out of curiosity and a desire to live differently — better, more colorful, more complete. It is also normal to think about changing family scenarios and raising your own children with different behavior patterns.
Life is much wider than our understanding of it. And this understanding gives us the opportunity, together with a specialist, to expand the fan of possibilities and views on our own life.