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Hello dear blog readers! What do you think it means to love yourself? How does this happen, and how does it help in life? I tried not only to answer these questions, but also was able to find ways to help learn this important process. By the way, I recommend taking an online test, and determine your level of self-love.
Why do we need this?
1. Success and realization of your needs
- A person who values himself feels harmony and satisfaction, as he realizes his needs. And it is possible to realize them because she is sensitive to her desires, feelings and, in general, her state. In addition, he does not “punish” himself, limiting himself in some way, as often unconsciously happens to people.
- Attracts success, and you know why? Because it’s nice to be around such a person, he seems to radiate positive energy and unconsciously demonstrates to others that he deserves all the best. He is surrounded by successful and developed people, which means that life is filled with prospects and opportunities.
Just think for yourself, will the manager of an employee who does not spare himself, does not defend his rights, raise him? It is unlikely that he is comfortable, you can “hang” a job on him, which is not at all part of his duties, you can keep him up late or call him on the weekend, but no more worthy position can be offered.
2. No conflicts
- Unhappy people usually provoke conflicts, they are ready to offend loved ones and not so much, thus at least slightly compensating for the disappointment and dissatisfaction that they live. But happy, harmonious people do not get involved in scandals, they do not react so sharply to insults and they do not have the need to hurt others, they simply do not need it, because the emphasis is on resources and opportunities.
- They are careful in dealing with such a person, because if he respects himself, he will not allow violence against himself, respectively, he will not attract tyrants into his life. After all, if I treat myself badly, do not respect and do not regret, then why should other people behave differently with me?
An example is the situation when parents give everything to the child, not allowing themselves extra sweets so that the baby has more. Do you think such a child, growing up, will be sensitive and caring towards his parents?
In most cases, no, because how can he learn this if adults themselves show him that he is more valuable, and their tastes and interests are not at all important? A person who does not value himself is ready to give everything to others, because they deserve it more, and remains in the expectation that he will someday be noticed and appreciated for his efforts. But no, this rarely happens, the person himself is responsible for his life, so isn’t it time to start taking care of yourself on your own? Then the rest will join.
3. Health and respect
- He is healthier than the one who ignores himself, not only because he takes care of his health, but also because he “does not become overgrown” with psychosomatic disorders. These are the diseases that arose against the background of living or trying to suppress some feelings. For example, frequent resentment due to lack of attention to one’s person leads to a stomach ulcer, withheld anger “crumbles teeth” and provokes headaches.
- A person who is able to respect himself knows how to appreciate and respect others. He is not so critical, because he understands that there is nowhere without mistakes, it is comfortable and joyful next to him. And on the basis of this, people “stretch” to him and he manages to create strong, close and valuable relationships.
You can list endlessly, there are a lot of advantages and reasons to appreciate yourself, the main thing is that you realize why this is necessary for you?
Recommendations
Learn to accept yourself the way you are.
- The desire to develop and improve is great, but if you try to fit your image to generally accepted norms and stereotypes, ignoring your own characteristics and characteristics, nothing good will come of it, you will only cause harm and provoke stress against the background of inconsistency. Get to know yourself first.
- What do you love, what makes you happy, what scares you or makes you sad? If you accept your nature, you will know the secret of a happy and successful life. Suppose it is customary for a man to engage in purely masculine activities in his spare time, for example, fixing a car or making repairs. But what if he wants to cross-stitch? If he relaxes in the process and gains strength? He is now all the time in stress, not being able to reset it?
- Allow yourself to make mistakes, forgive for failures and bad decisions. If you stumbled, it means that at that very moment, in that situation, you could not have done otherwise, there was not enough experience, knowledge or strength.
- Long-term residence of dissatisfaction (due to low self-esteem and ignoring part of the needs) may well lead to the emergence of such a disease as depression. In the most severe cases, you need to consult a specialist, if it just starts, and you don’t feel heaviness, pain and sadness every second, then you can read an article about methods of dealing with despondency and use the recommendations indicated in it.
Act
- Go for a massage, go to the gym, travel or take a walk in the park. Just finally do what was not allowed for a long time, postponing for later or coming up with excuses that there is no time, money or opportunities. And in general, make it a rule to please yourself with something every day, and every night before going to bed, answer the question: “What have I done useful for myself today?”. After all, how can you learn to love yourself if you don’t pamper and please?
- Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. You have the right to experience different emotions, so you should not hold back anger, being afraid to express to the offender that it hurts. Of course, you also need to know the measure so as not to overdo it. The main thing is, as soon as you notice that you are being pressured, or you don’t like something, don’t be afraid to say it, you don’t have to be comfortable for others.
- No one has the right to treat you however they want. Patience is a good and useful thing, but not when you have to put up with humiliation, violence or insults. Allow once — and then you will find excuses for the offender, sometimes even agreeing with him. I will not tire of repeating — your responsibility for life and its quality lies only with you, so take care of it and do not waste it.
- Look in the mirror, what do you look like? A person who treats himself well will not allow untidiness, neglect in something. You don’t have to follow fashion, but how do you take care of your appearance? What kind of food do you eat? What are you doing to stay healthy and fit?
Exercises
- Write a list of 30 items, where you indicate your talents, abilities and qualities that you possess. Then think about each item, namely, where it can be useful to you. Also write 50 statements that begin with the words: «I …» and continue in any form you want. Let’s say «I am a gentle woman», «I am caring», «I am an excellent cook» …
- Remember, in school days, questionnaires were popular, where it was necessary to answer the question of how we see a certain person? This is called feedback. Tell your friends that this is important to you, so could they answer how they see you, how they treat you and what associations arise? What could be entrusted to you, what help or advice would you turn to? This is a very important stage, although it causes a desire to avoid it due to anxiety, but it is important to overpower yourself, because usually our ideas about our character do not coincide with others, and this is normal. This is important information: «How do I look in the eyes of others?».
- Write negative habitual phrases in your address on the sheet. For example: «I’m a loser.» Using the positive affirmation method, transform this expression into a positive, resourceful statement. Let’s say: «I am a person who deserves happiness, I attract success and good luck.» And every day, repeat to yourself like a mantra several times. If you can’t formulate it yourself, I suggest using the ready-made working forms from this article.
healthy selfishness
Most importantly, learn to say no. Being comfortable does not mean being respected and worthy of love. Just remember, as a rule: «You don’t owe anything to anyone.»
Yes, it causes a lot of negativity and a desire to challenge, but it’s true. You do not owe someone to make life easier by stepping on your own interests. You can only do this because you feel the desire to take care at the moment, taking responsibility for your decision, choice, so that later you do not blame the other for not appreciating your victims.
Can you tell the difference between «should» and «want»? See the article “Best Techniques and Phrases for Politely Refusing a Person for Their Services” for more information on this issue.
There is a stereotype in society that one should not feel sorry for oneself or love oneself, since this is selfishness, which means it is shameful, wrongly ugly. It is important to understand the difference between these concepts.
Selfishness is when selfishness is excessive, when other people lose their value and significance for such a person. When they are needed only for gain, their needs are ignored and attempts to be equals are mercilessly thwarted.
Such a person, one might say, is «inferior», since he is not able to feel the whole gamut of feelings and emotions inherent in nature. He does not know what closeness and warmth are, what a relationship can give, where people value and respect each other.
Conclusion
I hope you were able to find the answer to the question posed at the very beginning, namely, why do you need to love yourself?
And, finally, I want to recommend an article that will perfectly complement today’s topic «Japanese kaizen system: the key to success for every day.»