Contents
Hello dear readers! To be honest with yourself, it is not necessary to start doing something special, supernatural. It is enough just to live on, but not to close your eyes to the facts that you do not like and would like them not to exist.
Entry
In fact, sometimes you need courage to admit your own imperfection. In the modern world, competition reigns, which encourages you to be better than the rest in order to achieve at least something in this life. And in order to take first place, you really need to have some kind of feature that will help you win.
And here’s how to admit that you are not up to something, but something is completely missing? What, maybe you don’t really want to be a “cool” businessman, but are more attracted by the idea of living outside the city and caring for the garden? But it’s not prestigious, and no one will appreciate it.
Then you have to hide your secret dreams somewhere very deep and, smiling at the reflection in the mirror, go to work. Only here inside you feel emptiness and sometimes think that life is meaningless and completely joyless.
Namely, this is what happens to those who ignore their aspirations and desires, guided by other people’s ideas. When the vision of another person defines life.
For example, a child can sometimes still be in the womb, and already all his relatives know who he will be. Because they have a whole generation, a dynasty of doctors. And the baby, who has not yet been born, simply has no other choice but, having also taken the Hippocratic oath, to treat people.
And even if he tries to resist this choice, in rare cases he manages to win. Because often a discrepancy with the ideas of the family threatens with rejection, unfortunately, sometimes simply “expulsion” from the system.
And only those who can face the truth will stop deceiving themselves that since they are all doctors, then they will succeed, since there is no choice — they will get a chance to live their own lives. No matter how strange it may sound.
And let it be difficult, with a bunch of problems and troubles, such a person will be able to feel happiness. Since he himself orders and chooses what to do and what not to do.
Evidence
I suggest looking at the signs that will help determine that you are deceiving yourself. Human psychology is such that a lot of processes occur at the subconscious level. It is unlikely that your internal dialogue about the need for lies is conscious.
empty promises
A person who promises something and then doesn’t deliver is not always simply irresponsible. Sometimes she just doesn’t know how to say no. And because of the fear of losing the favor of others, or for some other reason, he agrees to fulfill the request. Thinking that later, in a different mood, you will suddenly be able to “force” yourself.
After all, it is difficult to admit that you do not want to, or there is no sympathy at all, or that such a task is not up to the task.
Otherwise, you will have to admit that you are not so good, kind, omnipotent. After all, such people are not socially approved. It is always necessary to run headlong to help.
Do you know, for example, the stereotype that a friend, if it’s bad, you can call in the middle of the night? He will always listen and help. And if he is not a true friend, then he will not pick up the phone, such an egoist.
As if there is an illusion that a person who, for example, after a hard day’s work rests and sees the tenth dream, should experience happiness from the call. Instantly take combat readiness and take on the problems of a comrade.
Therefore, if you often hear in feedback that you do not keep your promises, think about what this means to you? What are you afraid to admit to yourself and others?
excessive daydreaming
Dreaming is very useful and important. Danger comes when fantasy replaces reality. Something then happens in her not the way we would like, so there is a desire to escape away.
Dissatisfaction in the present pushes to invent an ideal world in which everything is as you want.
So if you notice that you often daydream about a beautiful future, try to stop and think about what steps you can take to achieve what you want, and not just dream about it.
addictions
Any kind of addiction also has a chance to appear due to the inability to admit something to yourself. Then alcohol or drugs, computer games become a guide to a more comfortable world.
By the way, the first step towards recovery from any addiction is to admit that there is a problem. Until a person realizes that he is really already addicted and needs help, no one can “cure” him. The effect may be, but temporary, because there is no awareness.
Responsibility
Some people find it easier to blame others for their failures, or in general, some kind of weather conditions. But you can’t take responsibility for yourself.
And if you always have someone else to blame but you, think about how much more difficult you are making your life. Do you know why it’s harder? Because, only by recognizing their own mistakes, a person gains experience, she understands how she should do it in the future, or vice versa, it is not worth doing so as not to repeat what she did.
And the one who seeks to avoid responsibility runs the risk of constantly stepping on the same rake, not realizing how to change the situation.
Agree, such a vicious circle can lead to depression. After all, everything is always bad, and why is not clear. And what to do — too. It remains only to talk about an unfairly arranged world.
By the way, self-justification also applies here. Of course, it is difficult to admit that you have made a mistake, which is why you have to grab onto any opportunity that will justify and hide guilt, imperfection.
What to do?
The human psyche is a very complex element, but really unique. To protect the psychological and even physical health of the individual, she uses defense mechanisms. They really do their job very well. But sometimes there are situations when they do more harm than help. Since they form a certain style of behavior, which prevents them from being mobile. That is, for example, in any situation he acts the same way and is not able to receive, appropriate new experience.
Thinking traps appear, falling into which, a person seems to get rid of tension, but at the same time does not realize his needs.
Anyone who wants change is obliged to get out of their comfort zone and do what scares or causes resistance. This is the only way to advance in development.
The use of the word «if»
Now, if I had a car, I would earn more money. If I had other parents, I would have achieved more in life. Familiar expressions?
By the way, a good exercise will turn out if you write a list of similar formulations, and then paraphrase them next to each other.
For example, I will earn more money without a car, after which I can buy it. I will achieve more in this life, despite the fact that my childhood was terrible.
When you are done, start planning, that is, write down the steps that will help achieve the formulation into reality.
Limitations are only in our head. If you allow yourself to want more, you can achieve it. Don’t waste your energy looking for excuses, better channel it into action.
Postponing things for tomorrow
Oh, who hasn’t promised himself Monday to start exercising, quit smoking and start studying? Only then some unforeseen circumstances arose and it was necessary to postpone the planned one for the next Monday. So right?
With this trap, in principle, everything is simple. It is enough just to start implementation at the same moment as they thought. In theory, in practice, of course, it is more difficult. Especially if you are used to leaving ideas unrealized.
Want to lose excess weight? Then right now it’s worth putting the bun aside and doing push-ups at least 5 times instead. If you can’t do it — then at least face the truth, are you really motivated to lose weight? What are the secondary benefits of being overweight?
Yes, every illness, addiction, and even misfortune has a secondary benefit. Otherwise it wouldn’t exist.
For example, excess weight allows you to remain in the shadows and not experience stress when communicating with the opposite sex. Protects against harassment. Or vice versa, attracts attention. Allows you to receive care and sympathy. Everyone has different reasons. And it is important to discover your own, true, no matter how unpleasant it may seem to be realized.
Acceptance of feelings
Anyone who believes that anger is a “bad” feeling and tries to ignore it is rejecting a part of their own personality.
Every emotion has a function that it performs. And if it arose, then there are good reasons for that. Sometimes the worst feelings can save a life. Disgust is unpleasant, sometimes accompanied by nausea and vomiting. But, if it were not for him, we would continue to communicate with toxic people who destroy us. They would eat the missing food, risking poisoning and so on.
So learn to decipher the messages that they carry with their appearance. Be aware of them, don’t control them. Only then will you gain knowledge of what you love and what you don’t. What makes you happy and what makes you sad.
Completion
Authenticity, that is, real, true, without distortion, allows you to become internally free. And this inevitably leads to a feeling of fullness of life and harmony.
But if you understand that the time has not yet come to face the truth, do not commit violent acts. Perhaps there are no resources for this yet and it is safer for you.
In general, be sensitive and do as you see fit.,
Also, we recommend that you read an article about victim behavior of a person. This is when the victim herself is to blame for the violent actions against her.
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina