How far apart are people when talking to each other? A person with experience can already draw important conclusions from this about how people relate to each other, and what kind of issues they discuss, and who has what status. The distance in communication people observe (or build) most often unconsciously, but it is useful to be attentive to these issues and sometimes do it consciously.
When you are talking, the distance between you should be acceptable for the interlocutor and appropriate for your tasks in communication. Forty centimeters between you or forty meters — sometimes this is the critical circumstance that determines the success or failure of the conversation. If purely spatially you are too far from the interlocutor, he feels the lack of contact, and you appear to him as a person who is cold or unfriendly towards him. On the contrary, too short a distance gives him the feeling that he is under pressure, and you are an unceremonious and intrusive person.
How do you know if it’s «too far» or «too close»? First of all, the distance in communication is determined by the topic (genre) of the conversation. The distance of official negotiations — from 3,6 m. The distance of a business conversation: 1,2 m — 3,6 m. The distance of a personal conversation: 45 cm — 1,2 m. In Russian culture, where business relationships are always mixed with personal ones, the business distance communication is usually shorter, often no different from the distance of a personal conversation.
If you stretched out your hands to each other, greeted each other, chatting and moving on to a conversation of a completely personal nature, then keep in mind that the distance of an intimate message: 15 — 45 cm: from «in the ear» to the length of the confidential elbow.
And how will you answer the question: where will there be a greater distance between the interlocutors — in a small room or in a large room? In the corner of the room or in the center of the room? The correct answer here is… (in small rooms or in the corner of a room, people maintain greater interpersonal distances than when they are in large rooms or in the center of a room).
The way sympathy affects distance in communication, you know: we are ready to be at a closer distance with those we like and whom we perceive as having similar interests and values. An important practical conclusion follows from this: if you want to demonstrate a disposition towards a person, try to reduce the distance between you, but if, after your next micro-step (or tilt) in his direction, he takes the same micro-step back or synchronously deviates from you, then , you are on the border of an acceptable distance for him.
Acceptable for now. Perhaps in a few minutes, his sense of the acceptable distance between you will change, especially if you adjust to the interlocutor in posture, gestures, breathing, or the pace of the conversation. At the same time, if in some situation you feel the resistance of a business partner to your desire to reduce the distance, do not draw premature conclusions: it is not obvious that he is not very disposed towards you, this may be his general attitude towards people.
The distance in communication is also connected with the status: the more important and significant a person feels, the more he insists on a significant distance.
In the office of the highest leadership, the majesty of its Master will be emphasized by the most solid size table, which will certainly be between you.
The distance of a conversation is affected by the neatness of a person, in particular his smell. A pleasant smell contributes to a shorter distance, such a person, as it were, attracts the interlocutor, and if someone does not take care of himself, does not brush his teeth or does not heal, the distance of communication with him will be longer, and the contact will be shorter.
The distance in communication is to a certain extent influenced by life experience, personal and national characteristics. It is known that southerners naturally communicate at a shorter distance than, for example, “hot Finnish guys” and other Scandinavians. In terms of age, preschoolers show preferences and variations in personal space distance as early as 2 years of age. In school-age children, interpersonal distance increases until about 12 years of age, when it reaches the distance of adults.
And most importantly, the more developed a person is, the less important this very distance in communication is for him, and at the same time he is more and more attentive to what distance suits his interlocutor and is simply needed for business.
It is not the man who serves the distance, but the distance serves the man!