What does a man owe us?

I want a man to understand us. To guess our desires. If he succeeds, we believe: this is true love. After all, understanding without words is its main feature. And vice versa. Hung up a cabinet. Not there. It should have been to the left. Or higher. He came home — but he did not bring bread! «You didn’t say anything.» “Couldn’t you guess?” He couldn’t, so he didn’t like it. So or not? Let’s figure it out.

Do we have the right to such love that it guesses the slightest desire, satisfies every need? Certainly! Does she exist? Yes. But not between adults, a man and a woman. This is the kind of love that happens between a newborn and his mother. A mother’s duty is to provide a child with food, well-being, happiness. But in reality, for a mother, this is often possible only to the detriment of herself. “Mom, read”, “Mom, sit with me”, “Mom, hug!” — but she wants to sleep, be with her husband, take time for herself, chat with friends, realize herself professionally … And the child does not have enough strength, attention, time. She was tired, she didn’t think it was that hard. The thought arises: “Is it always like this now? And what about me?» And then irritation, anger at the child. This is followed by guilt: “Not only did I not give enough, I’m also angry. I’m a bad mother!» Sometimes relatives «help» her in this. As a result, instead of protection-acceptance-adoration, the child receives something completely different: there is no mother, the mother is upset or angry, he feels guilty, does not understand why, he also begins to get angry, and being angry with his mother is bad … For many women, relationships with their mother last a lifetime — non-healing wound.

In adolescence, new hopes appear. The girl begins to dream: He will appear, take her away on a white horse from her parents’ house, where she is so little loved, and give her the endless love that she deserves. To which he is entitled — by birthright. Now she expects from a man what she received less from her mother. She looks like a grown woman, but she is still a child at heart. If a baby is hungry, it is the mother’s fault, no doubt. What if an adult is hungry? An adult girl believes that the one who is nearby is to blame for all her troubles. She was not taught to take care of herself. She expects her man to take care of her. Believes he «should». But he is not her mother and cannot understand without words the unfortunate baby who lives in her. Now it’s his turn to be guilty. How long can he bear this burden of guilt? Maybe a few years, maybe a lifetime. But neither he nor she will be happy.

Can this be changed? Can. Give up trying to manipulate others through guilt. Do not demand unconditional love from them, but simply build partnerships. Learn to ask others for what is important to us. To understand that only one person can become the “ideal mother” for us in the current reality: ourselves.