What do you think about death? PSYCHOLOGIES survey

Many of us claim that we are not afraid to die, although in our last hour we would clearly prefer to be somewhere else … We hope that the answers to the questions we asked the study participants will help you clarify your position.

A nationwide survey commissioned by Psychologies was conducted by Tiburon Research on August 26–30, 2013. It was attended by 1000 people aged 18–60.

QUESTION 1: Do you ever think about death?

• Very often 7%
• Often 27%
• Total positive responses 34%
• Rarely 57%
• Never 8%
• Total negative responses 65%
• No response 1%

No, we don’t think much about it, more than two-thirds of us say. Women (41%) think about it more often than men (26%), and those over 55 worry about death just as much as 25-year-olds (35%). Not everyone regularly visits the temple, where many reminders of the finiteness of earthly life, but on TV we are shown a lot of real and fictional deaths. Whether carelessness is the cause or strength of mind, Russians are not morbidly preoccupied with death. “We want to think only about the good,” states psychotherapist Alexander Badkhen, “and this manifests escapism, the desire to escape from the real world into the world of illusions. Avoiding thoughts of death betrays the fear of being truly alive. To accept oneself as vulnerable, imperfect, mortal means to decide to live a true life without replacing it with ersatz.”

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• Difficulty in enjoying everyday life

QUESTION 2: If you could choose, would you prefer…

• Sudden death, which you will not have time to realize 67%
• Death, the approach of which you can feel and prepare for it 18%
• No response 15%
• Only 100%

Most of us agree with Woody Allen in our hearts: “I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there.”* Moreover, those wishing to prepare for this great meeting do not become more over the years. “The choice of sudden death is not surprising,” says Alexander Budchen. “This is the world trend: a modern person should be healthy, go in for sports, do everything in time, always be young and one day (instantly) die so young – easily and without suffering.” “It is difficult and scary to think that it is possible to prepare for death,” adds psychoanalyst Svetlana Fedorova. – After all, then we think about how we live, what we missed and will never do again. At such moments, we experience very strong anxiety, which sometimes destroys a person and can even develop into a nervous breakdown.

* W. Allen “Getting Even” (Anthology, 2011).

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• Positive image of old age

QUESTION 3: What frightens you most about the idea of ​​your death?

• Parting with loved ones 45%
• Suffering and pain 21%
• Non-existence 18%
• God’s judgment 5%
• Other 4%
• No response 7%
• Only 100%

But what are we really afraid of? Parting with loved ones, suffering, non-existence – much more than the Last Judgment. “How will they (children, parents, relatives) live without us?” This thought worries both men and women. But with age, fear decreases (48% of 18–24 year olds and 39% of those over 55 years old say this), but the fear of pain increases (18% of 18–24 year olds and 26% of the older generation). What is it, an “age-related” increase in egoism or humility in the face of inevitability? It should be noted that the fear of non-existence in men is more pronounced (22%) than in women (14%), and possible suffering, on the contrary, frightens women more (24% vs. 18%). As an option, “other” was named by the survey participants, for example, “everyone”; “opening”; “not having time to do something” or “not having time to feel “life”.

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• “Old age can be the happiest time of our lives”

QUESTION 4: Should we talk to children about death?

• Yes 49%
• No 30%
• I do not know 21%
• Only 100%

Almost 50% of women and men are sure that it is necessary to do this, 30% do not agree with this. The share of those who answered “yes” reaches 60% in the group from 55 to 60 years old – this is the age when their own children have already grown up and they are worried about the future of their grandchildren. “Children need to talk about what worries them,” comments Alexander Badchen. – It is important for them to share their fear with one of the adults, to restore the integrity of the world, which is broken by the death of a grandfather or a farewell to a cat. It is important to talk to children, and to speak in such a way that the child understands that what he is experiencing is natural; death is a part of life, the world works that way.” At different ages, children should be spoken to differently, adds Svetlana Fedorova: “Look for short, simple answers that match the questions, avoid dramatic details. Some children are ready to talk about this topic only by the age of 8-12. They may simply not hear an adult, or the conversation will become a psychological trauma for them. Until the age of 5, as a rule, children consider death to be temporary and reversible – after all, the heroes of fairy tales often come to life. Between 5 and 9 years, there is an awareness of the finiteness of life, but they still do not understand that they, too, will someday die. Children tend to comprehend their death already in adolescence.

Who wants to live forever?

With all its obvious inevitability, death does not concern us much. We are serene: only 4% of our survey participants are afraid own end, although it is not known what proportion are those who seriously and deeply think about it. We perceive differently loss of loved ones. Fear of her admitted 48% of men and women. And certainly the absolute majority – 67% – wished themselves “if death, then instantaneous”, without physical pain and painful thoughts about the past years.

Curiously, in relation to life after death, the survey divided us almost equally. So, 42% believe in immortality of the soul, new forms of life, reincarnation, meeting with loved ones and God. And 49% are scared obscurity, which awaits us “there”, turning into dust. And yet, despite all our fears associated with death, only 9% of us would like to live forever. The majority (64%) agree to the term given to them by nature*.

* According to a survey conducted by the Levada Center on January 20–23, 2012. For more information see levada.ru