What do people with anxiety disorder experience?

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. This didn’t really surprise me, because I had spent the previous 20 years constantly panicking for countless reasons. Some fears were more rational than others, but they all controlled everyday life to some extent, taking it beyond the norm.

I spent a lot of energy trying to find the best way to deal with this anxiety. I would like to think that now I understand everything that is happening to me. But if you ask me what I would like to change now, I would not talk about anxiety itself, not about the ease and availability of treatment.

What confuses me the most is how often I get into tense and painful situations with people who just want to help me. How much easier it would be if they at least partly understood what anxiety is. Here are 9 things I would like to explain to everyone.

1. An anxious person thinks non-linearly.

It seems to me that in ordinary people, anxiety and panic evoke a linear response. Something has happened or is supposed to happen, they get scared. But for a person with an anxiety disorder, things are different. I’ll show you with an example.

Imagine that you have lost your car keys. Of course, it’s always annoying. A person without an anxiety disorder will think, “Oh, what a bad luck! In the coming days, I will have a lot of unnecessary problems!” How would a person with an anxiety disorder react? “Oh no! I lost my keys! What if I don’t find them? What if I urgently need a car and don’t have the keys? What if someone needs to be rushed to the hospital? Could this be my best friend? What if he is about to die, and the only way to save him is to take him in my car? I lost my keys, a friend will die, and it will only be my fault!”

2. Anxiety is irrational, and believe us, we know it very well.

As I say in spirit – we know! If you could eavesdrop on our thoughts, you would be convinced that we understand that most disturbing thoughts are illogical and unfounded. Last week, I began to worry that my parents would hate me. Although deep down I knew perfectly well that this would never happen.

This is one of the most annoying features of an anxiety disorder. You freak out, realizing that there is no real reason to freak out. But you can’t turn off your emotions. My therapist once compared it to a faulty alarm system implanted in the brain. She turns on and starts yelling not only in response to some real dangers, in other words, chaos rises in the head of an anxious person due to a huge number of completely insignificant little things. Sometimes the reason for such a reaction is so miserable that it is even difficult to grasp what caused it.

3. Anxious people also have good and bad days.

Everyone has good days and bad days, that’s how life works. I want you to know that in this we are no different from you. And my reaction to people and situations depends on what day I have today. If the day is bad and someone gets mad at me, there is a high probability of the following consequences: a) I will have a panic attack, b) I will burst into tears, c) I will start saying anything to calm his anger, or e) all of the above, together taken.

Of course, I can’t expect no one to ever get mad at me, or only get mad on days when I’m in good shape. I, like any person, sometimes make mistakes, and it annoys people, which is quite normal. But I wish I could say, “Look, I’m having a hard day today. Can we postpone this conversation?” knowing that the interlocutor will understand that this is not an excuse, and will show elementary kindness to me.

4. Anxiety causes physical pain.

Of course, first of all, it is painful emotionally. It’s the worst thing about her. But it also causes physical pain. The strongest is during panic attacks: the chest compresses so that it is impossible to breathe. But anxiety can also cause headaches, nausea, palpitations, muscle tension, dizziness, insomnia, and exhaustion.

Some people have very painful gastrointestinal reactions to anxiety. Have you ever heard the phrase “the stomach is as if tied in a knot”? Someone has such a muscle spasm that leads to a sprain or tear. Anxiety is painful.

5. Anxiety anxiety discord

This disorder has many faces. Specifically, I have it generalized. Or, as I say to my family, “everything-everywhere-always” frustration. But there are many types of anxiety disorders. For some, it is associated with social phobia, for others, more specific phobias.

Sometimes it is genetically determined and caused by chemical processes in the brain, sometimes it develops as a result of some event. Some suffer from this all their lives, while others have the disorder beginning in adolescence or already in adulthood. Some – but not all! – manages to overcome it, or at least learn to cope with it so well that it no longer interferes with life. Some treat him with medication or see a psychotherapist, others do not.

6. Anxiety is linked to depression

Not all anxious people are depressed, and vice versa. But very often these two disorders occur at the same time in a person. And one can lead to another. We anxious people know all too well that there is a connection between them, and, as you might guess, it disturbs us greatly.

If we have ever had depression, we worry that it will come back. And in this case, it’s a rational fear. Because the chances of recurrence increase with each new episode of depression. So be careful in a conversation with such a person, do not exacerbate his fears of depression. On the other hand, carefully observe him: the person himself does not always notice the onset of depression in himself.

7. You are probably better off listening rather than talking.

The usual pattern of behavior: we ourselves can speak critically about someone from our family, but we will not allow this to outsiders, we will immediately rush to defend “our own”. The same with anxiety. I can talk about how hard it is for me, how anxiety makes me angry, deprives me of strength, but if you start talking about it, it will most likely hurt me.

I can say how much I wish I could get rid of my anxiety, but if you say that, I’ll probably think you’re a boor. Moreover, you should not discuss someone’s mental problems with third parties, unless you have been given express permission to do so or if you do not tell about them to someone who is obliged to keep the secret (psychotherapist, lawyer). Such topics are still taboo in society, and therefore many sufferers of anxiety disorder do not want publicity. For some people, it in itself can provoke severe anxiety.

8. Anxiety is part of our personality.

As painful as anxiety disorder can be, without it, we wouldn’t be who we are. Many find it difficult to accept this view, and I am no exception. We struggle so much with our disorder, it is our enemy, which we must get rid of in order to live a full, productive life! But the reality, as usual, is more complicated.

Anxiety is also part of us. It influences the decisions we make, the way we view the world, certain aspects of our personality. If we look at it as an enemy, we are trying to get rid of that part of ourselves. When the therapist explained this to me, I was shocked, although I had known for a long time that I had an anxiety disorder. I saw anxiety as a disease to be treated, not as part of my personality.

But since then, I’ve been working on changing my outlook. It helped me get rid of the oppressive feeling that I was an inadequate loser, which haunted me for many years. It’s okay to be an anxious person. And it would be good to convey this idea to those anxious people who do not yet understand this.

9. Last and most important: be kind!

If you know someone with anxiety and want to help them, just ask directly, “How can I help you?” It is better to ask such a question when a person is calm.

We know that you are tired of the way we wind ourselves up, that our anxiety annoys you, that it is hard for us. In short, we know how you feel. And we also experience indignation, irritation, exhaustion, we also want to get rid of all this. The difference between you and us is that we think and experience it all the time. And these thoughts cause us a great sense of guilt, provoking self-flagellation. After all, we are trying so hard to live better, so we don’t want to disturb and annoy anyone!

If you are annoyed or harassed by a person with an anxiety disorder, that’s okay. Nobody blames you for this. We ourselves understand this very well. But you have the opportunity to get away from these problems. We do not have such an opportunity.

Therefore, it is not necessary to pour out your irritation on an anxious person, nourishing his guilt. No need to persuade him to calm down, he would like to do it himself. All this only exacerbates those emotions that we can’t cope with anyway. It’s better to just leave then.

What can be done to really help such a person? Distract him with something, listen to him or just be with him. The main thing is not to “load” him, then it is much more difficult for him to calm down. Everyone needs kindness, and especially people who are not inclined to show kindness to themselves. You will be surprised to learn how much the little things mean to us: a smile, approval, a compliment, a sandwich… How they can cheer us up! Anxious people are often afraid to ask for something like this themselves, especially when they need it most. Therefore, be kind to us – and you will not be mistaken!