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Why do we dream of frank scenes with our own participation, sometimes so unusual that it’s embarrassing to remember? Should they be taken seriously, do they indicate hidden desires? And finally, is it worth trying something similar in life?
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“I get the same questions in my email all the time—once a week or more often,” writes sex therapist Isadora Alman. “And they all relate to erotic dreams.”
What do erotic dreams and fantasies mean?
Just that you are human. How often do you dream that you are late for a lesson or an exam? No matter how many years ago you graduated from high school, this is a typical disturbing dream. The same can be said about dreams where we see ourselves naked or lose some part of our clothes. The plot is very common, and, of course, it does not mean at all that we want to be at a party without pants.
So no: in most cases, our secret desires are not expressed in dreams. Rather, dreams speak of hidden feelings: for example, that we are anxious about something or afraid to look ridiculous. We are all sexual by nature. Therefore, making love in a dream with a representative of the same sex with a traditional orientation or enjoying sex for three with strictly monogamous views only means that we are alive.
Do you really want to experience something similar in life? This is your own business. Dreams and fantasies do not necessarily contain clues or guides to action. Most often, these are just fleeting erotic thoughts.
What do dreams tell about us?
Again, they just say that the human brain is capable of creating some very bizarre images. Suppose you are haunted by the same dream. Naturally, in the light of day, you should calmly figure out what its meaning is and ask yourself: what if you really need to try? Is this normal? How to do it? Where it leads?
After that, any decision can be made. And yet, neither dreams nor fantasies can say anything about us that we ourselves do not guess.
Is it worth trying what you dreamed about?
Your life, your rules. Some sexual fantasies, like riding a unicorn naked, are clearly nothing more than imagination. But, let’s say, throwing violent caresses at your boss is just a bad idea. On the other hand, there are quite feasible dreams. But think carefully, do you really need it?
How to turn fantasy into reality?
Isadora Alman talks about the case of her client, who dreamed of making love to his wife, dressed in an evening dress, and certainly in the pool. He offered, she refused. Like, “too weird.” The man came to consult. He didn’t want to hire a call girl, he wanted his wife. But the shower or bath did not suit.
The doctor asked to invite his wife for a consultation in order to understand why she objects. Does she prefer her husband to play this scenario with another woman? No. Does she prefer that he force her to do it? No. Everything is within the framework of monogamy, and violence is excluded.
The sex therapist suggested that the woman explore the benefits that would give her a revision of her views for the sake of her beloved husband. In the end, she decided to try, because it did not threaten her health and emotional well-being. It cannot be said that she was madly fascinated by this game. But she stopped perceiving her as something terrible, and for her husband this was a huge relief. As a result, the couple performed an unusual ritual twice a year, and both enjoyed it.
What to do with the haunting and very specific fantasies of those who are not married (not married)? How to implement them? If this requires a partner, try to find one, build a trusting relationship and offer your idea. Of course, asking doesn’t guarantee consent, but you can try.