True beauty is a great success. But often what seems to us a gift from above brings its owner continuous torment. What do those who are beautiful suffer from?
Their bodies seem to be works of art: regular features, clean smooth skin, perfect proportions. Men fall at their feet as soon as they raise an eyebrow. They are not alone and always get the best. It seems that there are no problems in the life of beautiful women, and any dramas are far-fetched. And yet, as hard as it is to believe, beauty can be a heavy burden.
Insidious privileges
A beautiful body is not just pleasing to the eye. We register it in our personal “file cabinet”, putting a mark: high status. This is especially true for women, whose beauty makes them a trophy in the status competition of men. At school, fans fight for the right to carry a knapsack behind them, at the university, at the first request, they give notes and, of course, they are called to “pull up” to the test. And then they are hired, bypassing more worthy candidates, they are forgiven for gross mistakes and delays.
“These privileges come with a downside,” warns family therapist Josh Gressel. – If we are used to the fact that it is enough to smile – and the problem will disappear, we do not learn to resist stress. Our internal resources remain dormant.”
Beauty as capital
Attractive women tend to find it easier to get around obstacles that stop others. Convincing a policeman not to issue a ticket, passing face control at the entrance to a club, getting a table at a new restaurant are just a few examples of the magical effect of beauty.
You should not think that the guarded and adored woman is not aware of why this is happening. And this also traumatizes her: she stops believing in people and understanding how sincere they are. Having burned himself in childhood, he can move from resentment and confusion to rebellion, like the heroine of “The Dowry”: “If you are a thing, then there is only one consolation – to be dear, very dear.”
If we get used to the fact that others only react to appearance, we devalue ourselves as a person.
Beauty becomes at the same time its main capital (opening any doors), a weapon (with which you can subjugate others) and a consolation (you can always devalue other people’s successes: “they climb out of their skin, because they don’t have what I have” ).
But the more this treasure is valued, the greater the fear of losing it. Hence the neuroses and fears due to the first gray hair and wrinkles, addiction to cosmetics or even plastic surgery, reaching addiction. Of course, this does not apply to everyone. And yet, “if we get used to the fact that others react only to our appearance, we devalue ourselves as a person,” says Josh Gressel.
Feeling toy
“Beautiful women don’t always have high self-esteem,” notes psychologist Dale Archer. – Constant attention and even harassment can cause a woman to hate herself. She can decide that the problem is in herself, in her body. This leads to devaluation: if the world constantly reacts only to the outer self, sooner or later we may decide that there is nothing interesting behind this facade.
This problem often affects relationships: a beautiful but internally traumatized woman will not trust someone who says that he truly loves her. “He wants to take advantage of me, to rub his nose to his friends, to show off in front of others,” she decides. Perhaps she herself did not encounter such an attitude, but there were those around her who inspired this idea in her. Maybe it was the mother who said, “Men can’t be trusted, you’re a toy to them.” Or it’s the influence of films, TV shows, commercials, in which attractive women always surround successful men, seek their attention.
“After adopting this model of behavior, the girl begins to perceive the attention of men as confirmation of her own importance,” explains Dale Archer. – She seems to ask each of them a question: do you find me attractive? What can I do to get you to notice me?”
a threat to their
The fact that beautiful people are envied is not new. But more often than not, we don’t realize where this feeling comes from. “Most people unconsciously project their fears and expectations onto others,” says Dale Archer. – If we are not sure of our own attractiveness or doubt the fidelity of a partner, it seems that threats to well-being come from outside. In that case, we’ll find someone to blame. And more often it will be the one who seems to us more beautiful, more successful, more cheerful, even if the person does not give reasons to suspect himself of something.
From time to time, stereotypes speak in us: we attribute to the owners of an attractive appearance qualities that devalue them in our eyes. Of course, we can not always track these thoughts. But our careless words and actions can hurt others, and this is worth remembering.