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Being insecure, vulnerable, open… Why is it scary? The thing is that we instinctively avoid vulnerability, fearing to appear weak. We tell you what features are inherent in people who are not afraid to open up to the world.
Voluntary insecurity differs from forced vulnerability, which does not depend on the will of the person himself. She gives confidence. Deciding to be vulnerable means being willing to show the world who you really are and take risks without being sure of the outcome.
“In our culture, insecurity is seen as something shameful, a weakness that should be avoided or attempted to compensate for with aggressive responses,” explains psychotherapist Robert Stolorow.
Research shows that this kind of openness promotes career growth and helps you connect with other people.
The ability to be open and not be ashamed of it is a good quality
Learning to be emotionally open isn’t that hard. For people who are not afraid to be insecure, several features are characteristic. So these people:
1. Constantly trying new things
“Probably the most important feature of open people is the willingness to try something new without knowing the result in advance,” Stolorow says. It can be about something insignificant (signing up for vocal lessons, deciding to invite someone on a date), as well as big decisions – for example, moving to another city.
They often end up happier than they were. New experiences and experiences have a stronger effect on the level of happiness than the possession of material values.
2. Do not avoid negative emotions
Anxiety in the face of the unknown or fear of being rejected is normal: who is not afraid that they will refuse in response to a marriage proposal or a request for a salary increase?
However, open people do not avoid these situations, although they do not give them much pleasure.
“Courage in the face of life’s difficulties does not mean that a person is not afraid, he does not run from situations in which he finds himself insecure,” Stolorow notes.
3. Recognize that there are “black stripes” in life
Open people do not try to escape from emotions, they recognize that there are both “white” and “black” stripes in life. “We are all mortal and subject to various misfortunes. Suffering, injury, illness, death, loss, unhappy love – these threats constantly hang over us and determine our existence, ”says the expert.
4. Appreciate emotionally close relationships
Insecurity has a beneficial effect on relationships, especially if it is inherent in both partners. “Open people are looking for a relationship with a partner who is ready to share strong feelings with them. It is easier to be open when there is someone to support in difficult times,” Stolorow emphasizes.
5. Easy to communicate even with strangers
Open people tend to take the initiative in communication, even if it is a conversation with a stranger in line. This can be helpful: for example, when we smile at strangers, we feel more connected to others and get positive emotions.
6. Good leaders
“Leaders who tend to be open create a more positive work environment around them. If you, as a boss, are not afraid to be vulnerable, subordinates will see you as a person first of all.
You will develop a closer relationship, they will be more willing to share advice with you, and relationships in the team will become more equal, ”says Emma Sepala, scientific director of the Center for the Study of Empathy and Altruism at Harvard University.
7. Kind to ourselves
Researcher and author Brené Brown believes that being open and vulnerable requires acknowledging all of your emotions. This means that you should not shame yourself for “bad” feelings.
“You can’t drown out strong feelings without drowning out other emotions. Emotions cannot be suppressed selectively,” she explains.
Getting rid of “inappropriate” experiences, we simultaneously drown out joy and happiness
As a result, we feel terrible, trying to find at least some meaning and purpose in life. Openness and vulnerability is manifested not only in communication with others, it is also an internal process.
8. Welcome their own vulnerability
“Vulnerability and insecurity is the key to any progress. It is from them that joy, creativity, love and a sense of belonging to something more are born, ”says Brené Brown.
In other words, by accepting our own vulnerability, we can fully experience life in all its aspects, even if it means taking risks without knowing the result.