Each of us in childhood was not allowed to do something, to be friends with someone. Looking back, some understand why parents acted the way they did. Others are still perplexed: so many disputes and tears because of something completely unimportant! Our readers recall parental prohibitions from the past and share their stories.
Is it always easy when raising children to find a magical golden mean? Hardly. One way or another, something will have to be banned, and the response will be unpredictable: from obedience to quiet actions. An open protest is also possible: “You forbade me, but I will still do it the way I want.”
Our readers shared their stories about what their parents once forbade them and whether these bans worked. Everyone’s conclusions are different. Someone with age understood the elders and is grateful to them, others remember strict prohibitions as a traumatic experience.
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“I was banned from cigarettes and alcohol for obvious reasons. Everything resulted in the fact that I drank and smoked on the sly. In addition, there were problems with self-control. Now that I’m older, I’ve rethought everything and I’m trying not to drink. That is, I understand why the parents forbade it, but I think that radical bans result in protest … “
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“I was banned from almost everything: dating boys, wearing fashionable clothes, getting a haircut, makeup, I generally keep quiet about tattoos. It was forbidden to wash in the bathroom for a long time, to keep what you want on your table and inside it, to arrange in the room such orders as you like. As a result, in protest, I drank, smoked, started a relationship. When I started earning money, I bought myself what I wanted to wear. I never did a piercing, a tattoo too, I quit smoking and drinking a hundred years ago. But I avoid a permanent relationship, because I am afraid that they will limit me. ”
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“I was not even allowed to try junk food: I was dancing and it was impossible to get fat. In adolescence, more freedom appeared, and I “got it” – I started eating all this and gained a lot of weight. Then I heard a lot of negativity from my mother about my appearance. Now I do not eat fast food at will, as I am always on a diet. I still think that I am fat, and if I gain two kilograms, I fall into hysterics. Mood and self-awareness depends on the number on the scales in the morning. You can say that in my case, the ban led to a mild form of eating disorder.
I remember how my mother threw a tantrum when a friend at the age of 14 plucked my eyebrows for the first time
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“I was not allowed to pierce my ears for a long time, but at the age of 12 I said: let this be a gift from my parents for my birthday. They kept their promise. And although I wanted to go and pierce myself, at that time it was done only in beauty salons, until the age of 16 only with the permission of my parents. At the age of 16, I wanted to get another piercing in my ear and did it defiantly at a cosmetic exhibition, escaping under some pretext from my mother. After that, she realized that it was better not to forbid and give the teenager the opportunity to realize his desires. And the reason for the ban was announced to me later: my mother is allergic to any metal, she was sure that the same story happened to me. That’s why I resisted for so long.”
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“I was forbidden to dye my hair, pierce my navel. I remember how my mother threw a tantrum when a friend at the age of 14 plucked my eyebrows for the first time. Now I am grateful in many ways, for example, that I did not ruin my hair. But, on the other hand, it would be better if I did it all then. I would not forbid anything like that for my children.
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“I was forbidden to eat crisps (remember, there was such an analogue of chips?), So on my grandmother’s summer holidays, I ate them. And at home carefully concealed. As a result, as an adult, chips are my favorite “dessert”. With my mind I understand how I undermine my health, but often I can not resist. It’s still like a forbidden fruit for me. And by the way, I still hide them when I come to my parents’ house. I know that the lectures will begin … “
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“We have all the prohibitions were more than rational. Another thing is that my mother could not always calmly and without unnecessary nerves explain why she forbids something, and I did not always understand her. For example, I was forbidden to walk late. And when I started going out all night at 18, my mom wouldn’t go to bed until I got home. At first it annoyed me, and then I began to take it more seriously and more attentively: I either constantly called back, or warned where I would be and with whom. And I tried to come back early.”
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“It’s not about the ban itself, but about how parents bring it to the child. If it is calm, without aggression and excessive emotions, then it probably does not provoke a riot in response. My mother was very worried about my proper nutrition, she made sure that there was never anything harmful in the house – no sausage, mayonnaise, extra sweets. If any of this appeared to me – forbidden harmfulness was at a friend’s birthday or they were brought home by guests – then I ate too much. I understood that I would not get it for a long time, so now I have an hour to eat for the rest of my life. And then my mother, having learned, swore strongly, shouted …
I understand that this was due to concern for my health, but her swearing only exacerbated the vicious circle. The more they shamed me, the more I got the feeling that I couldn’t eat this food while my mother was nearby. And when it is not there, you need to eat faster. This formed the wrong relationship with food, which then strongly manifested itself in adolescence. I still feel like I’m eating way more than I want to. It seems that these are the remnants of childhood prohibitions – if something lies in front of me, then I need to eat it quickly, because then there will be no opportunity.
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“I was not allowed to watch series and movies on TV because there are advertisements. Movies on discs could be. And of course, every time a child was left alone, the first thing she looked for was a remote control. I also wanted to watch all these things that were discussed by classmates. Fortunately, I was rarely alone: now I am happy that I did not clog my brain with this nonsense.
It was interesting to steal a candy and wonder if mom would see or not
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“As a child, I was forbidden to melt packages and make “sunshine” on a swing. But in fact, we did whatever we wanted. Now I understand that my parents just wanted to protect me from mistakes, otherwise you learn from your own experience. Got a swing on the head – you understand that you can remain a fool, it’s better not to do that. Dogs have bitten – do not go into this yard. And after trying the forbidden, interest disappears: there is no “catch me” game, the excitement goes away. As in very early childhood with sweets – it was interesting to steal a candy and wonder if mom would see it or not. And then they were allowed to eat as much as they wanted, well, sweets were no longer needed. Excitement is gone, interests have changed.
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“I remember how my parents forbade me and my brother to watch The Simpsons, and it was our favorite cartoon! So we watched it stealthily. And we still love it – I’m 23, and my brother is 30. When we see each other, we can watch a couple of episodes and have a good laugh. And my parents also forbade me to go to sleepovers with friends, although I, like all teenagers, loved this business very much. But my friends were always welcome at our house. That’s the double standard.”
