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Of course, there is no magic algorithm that would provide a couple with a long and happy future, not overshadowed by the decision to divorce. But there are red flags that may indicate the fragility of the union. It is worth paying attention to them in advance, the family psychologist believes.
Financial differences
Whether the budget will be shared or joint, what to spend money on is one of the frequent traps for a couple. It occurs when the romantic period of meetings ends and a life together begins. It may, for example, turn out that one of the partners is prone to debt and waste. If you do not learn to discuss it with the intention of finding a compromise, you can come to a break.
Success of a woman
If a woman earns more than a man, this increases the likelihood of divorce. Despite social change, men still see themselves as breadwinners, and for some, a woman’s dominant income is unconsciously associated with an infringement on their masculinity.
What can a woman do in this situation? Nothing. If this scares your partner and negatively affects the well-being of your union, it may just not be for you.
Parental divorce
If your parents are divorced, there is a 60% chance that you will follow their path. Why not use the data of these studies for the benefit and not learn from others, in particular, parental mistakes? First of all, carefully consider the choice of the person with whom you are going to connect your life, and try to resolve conflicts so as not to bring them to the point where you turn into strangers.
Lack of sex
Of course, over the years, the sexual activity characteristic of us at the beginning of the novel weakens, but this is an emotionally important bonding part of the relationship, when it disappears, the couple’s connection weakens, and other problems may arise through a chain reaction.
We used to believe that opposites attract, and this often turns out to be true when it comes to different psychotypes. In this case, partners complement each other and even learn skills that, due to their nature, they lack.
At the same time, people from different social worlds can be distinguished by dissimilar religious and political views, the level of education, and when the relationship loses its first romantic intensity, the couple is faced with a fact: they are hardly ready to understand and accept each other.
Early marriage
There are couples who met at an early age, carrying their feelings and ability to develop together through the years. There are few such examples, because between the ages of twenty and forty, as a rule, we change dramatically. There are other views on life, plans and dreams that can forever divorce people.
Inability to negotiate
Even close relationships involve the emergence of conflict situations. It is important how we conduct disputes, whether at this moment we are thinking about the well-being of our union or we are pursuing only our own interests. In the heat of resentment, we can say to each other many words that hurt a loved one.
The position of the attack can help achieve what you want in a momentary conflict, but at the cost of this there will be a gradual loss of support and understanding of the partner.
unwillingness to forgive
Forgiveness means that you are able to let go of resentment, otherwise its shadow remains to live between you. You may need to have a deeper conversation with your partner about your feelings. This will not be an easy conversation, but it is necessary to get rid of the rust that destroys relationships.
About the Author: Catherine Abercrumby is a family psychologist.