Usually we are friends with those who satisfy our needs — and whose needs we satisfy ourselves.
Children have their own, childish needs and their own characteristics of children’s friendship. Children in friendship are your Property, the Toy is interesting, the Feeding Trough is pleasant, the Faithful Vigilante is needed, someday the Fool-Rug will come in handy … In children’s friendship, everything is usually simple, open and clear.
Childhood passes, some of the needs go away, something remains, but the needs of the so-called psychotherapeutic group turn out to be practically universal for a huge part of the people: Heating pad, Heating pad, Toilet bowl, Golden mirror … What is it?
… It can be cold in the soul, and then we need someone who will warm us. This is our Warmer. Everyone has a need for spiritual warmth and understanding, but not everyone can be a heating pad that satisfies this need. That is, once everyone can warm someone, in reality, Hot-water bottles are very different, and according to their design characteristics, heating pads are very different. This one heats powerfully, the other barely warms up, one will not turn on without a reminder, the other will not turn off without a demand, some need to be ignited only with their own heat. Heaters operating at the frequency of compassion usually give additional harmful radiation, and in general, individual settings in most devices work rather poorly. There is a significant difference in price: the soul of someone feeds on energy, it seems, directly from the sun, respectively, they give you heat without an account and disinterestedly, with someone you have to pay with reciprocal warmth on request. It happens that the fee itself is small, but the overhead costs are high, and for each one-time, seemingly inexpensive session of warmth of a cute girl, you have to pay dearly later: for example, by dealing with her instant attachment to you. Some heating pads seem to warm sensitively and at reasonable prices, but irregularly. For example, if a girl has a bad mood, then she can no longer be a heating pad, and in this case, she already needs a heating pad (or Warmer).
A warmer, sometimes, is necessary for each of us. In order to live, one must move, and this is sometimes difficult: today one is lazy, tomorrow one is scrapped, and here one is tired or bruised. Here I lie, sprawled. Who will lift me up?! However, if you kick me, I can jump up in surprise, and if I rush after the offender, then I came to life: blood is running, my eyes are clear, my tail is like a pistol. «Thank you friend!» In comparison with the warm Warmer, the art of the cheerful Warmer is less common, but is valued more: after all, the work is jewelry. You need to run over a friend, you need to kick a friend, but in this way, there and then, in order to turn out not to be an evil enemy, but a kind and caring friend. The main thing is usually said with surprised eyes, out loud you can throw the standard: “What are you talking about?” Variants: “Soft, sour, sullen, cheered up” — what lies on the tongue, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that it rolls out of the soul head over heels. Once you can try to hurt: “Let me hug you, hit by life! Now I’ll wipe your snots, you’ll cry for me! shuddered and in him at least a little jumped notes of aggressiveness. Adrenaline should rush into the blood, as in moments of danger. Spiked up — a person wants to move you. And then he wants to move himself — to move. And he will thank you.
Sometimes we are used as a toilet bowl. We do not manage to digest all life events: it happens that we swallowed something right away, something can be chewed with friends, and something gets across the throat … my heart is heavy and I really want to share. Then we need someone to whom we can speak out and free the soul, relieve ourselves. Then we need someone with an open mind where we can relieve ourselves. Everyone talked, dumped — and we felt better. They use us the same way. If a person had a great need and he shared with us masses of poorly digested experiences, we were in the role of a Toilet bowl, but if we were used for a small need and only shed tears for us, this is called “being a vest”. However, whatever you call it, the person who accepts all this feels very necessary and humane. On the other hand, if we don’t react at all to a person’s spiritual difficulties and don’t substitute a toilet bowl, some people who are used to sharing negativity will not be friends with us. But maybe that’s just a good thing?
The Golden Mirror is one of the most beautiful options in friendships. Loving yourself is very necessary, but not everyone can do it. Vredin and such an ugly — well, how to love such a?! However, if harmfulness is not entirely harmfulness, but courage and somewhat adherence to principles, and the ugliness given to us in sensations can turn out to be warm, charming and truly tasty dumplings, then our attitude towards ourselves can become more decent. The main thing is how to look at yourself. And here the help of a Friend is very much needed.
The higher the rank of our friend (girlfriend), the more appreciated their positive assessment.
For example, my friend and I are doing dance exercises, I look at myself in the mirror and understand that the antics of a monkey like me do not paint this mirror. However, when I look not at the mirror, but at my friend, I like to look at her, and most importantly, when I notice that my friend is looking at me with admiration for some reason, too, it’s already difficult for me to get angry at my angularity. There are two hypotheses for my choice: either my girlfriend has bad taste, or I am overly critical and in fact I can really like pretty women.
The latter hypothesis is obviously more attractive, but what is its weight? If a friend studied in a variety dance studio, her assessment of my dancing talents is much more convincing.
Of course, friendly admiration should be expressed every time with the utmost sincerity and intelligibility. Deep remarks like “you are amazing”, “I like it” and “I really like it” are welcome, but sometimes admiring eyes are wide enough to meet you. The main thing is that we can trust the words and views of a friend, knowing that he really likes what he notices in me for me.
- The needs of the business group: Employee, Lifesaver, Battery, Simulator.
- Study Group Needs: Teacher Advisor, Role Model and Development Guide.