What are thirty year olds afraid of?

“Hinged life”, as psychologists call it, located between the end of studies and the beginning of independent life, is rather a harbinger of worries, life anxieties and doubts. For many, this moment becomes a real crisis, during which you have to look at yourself in a new way. Of course, this is not such a bright life period as puberty or a midlife crisis. However, he hurts no less.

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“I come from a modest family and I studied very hard to complete my diploma and get my degree,” recalls 28-year-old Vera. – No holidays, clubs and fashionable things: there was no money. But I refused all this with pleasure, because my dad always told me that with such a diploma all doors would be open for me, I would immediately earn good money and enjoy everything that was not given to my parents. And I believed him … ”But in the end everything turned out differently. Vera had to realize that no one cared about her diploma and that she was just one of thousands of graduates who were trying to find a good job. In order to earn at least something, she was forced to get a job in a call center. “What upset me the most was the realization that my parents had no idea about how the world really works,” recalls Vera. “I realized that I could no longer turn to them for advice. It was as if I suddenly woke up – realizing that I had no goal and that my dream of a prestigious job could be forgotten. At least that’s how it was then. Now things are going better: I found a job in my specialty. And I understand that this is not the limit. In addition, now I know what I want and how to get there.

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But 29-year-old Mikhail has a different problem: “While Mila and I studied, everything was fine. Our parents paid us a rented apartment, vacations, gatherings in a cafe and other expenses. Everything was wonderful. But now that we’ve both found jobs and Mila wants us to get married, I’m scared. I used to secretly date other girls, but what should I do now? I’m afraid of early marriages, but I’m also afraid of leaving Mila: what if she’s the one? .. “

The doubts and fears that overcome us at the moment of confrontation with reality are just the signals that let us know that we are moving from one phase to another, that we need to reposition ourselves, to give up something that was previously expensive, to possibly get something in return. Of course, it’s scary: “What will happen next?” Uncertainty most often arises from the fear of change.

“However, not all young people are inherent in fear and insecurity,” says psychologist Anna Zanardi. – For some, the entry into adulthood is an evolution, development without any shocks, a change in the angle of vision, which entails neither a crisis nor soul-searching. The attitude of parents is very influential: those who seem to tie their children to themselves with an invisible – and sometimes unconscious – umbilical cord, do not make life easier. Often parents share the interests of their children, spend holidays with them, as if they are in a state of eternal post-puberty. Children, by the way, consider them good parents. In a certain sense, it is. However, they do not at all inspire their children to grow up. This entails great difficulties for children who, at a certain age, should already be separated.

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And live your life… Which means not only to achieve autonomy in material terms. Separation is psychologically much more difficult, because it is about the ability to take on certain responsibilities, to understand what it means to be a man or, accordingly, a woman, about the courage to make decisions and make sacrifices. In the end – about the ability to set limits for yourself, from “everything is possible” to “I am such and such, I do this and that.” From omnipotence to reality. Once and for all.