Contents
Why are we friends? So that we can be ourselves, not lose touch with the past, expand our own boundaries? It all depends on those – often unconscious – desires that live in the depths of the soul of each of us. We propose to consider five types of friendships.
Our friends: how can we do without them? How can you not praise them by telling others about our friendship? They are what we live by. From childhood, they help us grow up and represent the first object of love outside the family.
“Everyone knows that in order to understand the world, we always needed friends, not parents,” says psychologist Edward Martin, an expert at Italian Psychologies. “It is friends that help us grow up, lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
“I need friends to understand that I am not alone. That I exist, that they accept me for who I am, with all my pluses and minuses, ”says 34-year-old Lisa. Parents are not chosen, but friends can be chosen, and we choose them ourselves.
We love our friends precisely because they allow us to be ourselves.
“It’s our individuality that allows friendships to flourish,” adds 25-year-old Martin. “Thanks to her, we become those unique, inimitable and unforgettable people with whom, in turn, we so want to make friends.”
As the Fox explains to the Little Prince in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s story, “If you tame me, you will be my friend and we will need each other. You will be the only one in the world for me, and I will be the only one for you.”
We love our friends precisely because they allow us to be ourselves, with all our complexities and sharp corners. And each of our friends, consciously or not, plays an important role in our life balance.
1. Symbiotic friend: the one who saves from loneliness fills the void
“Nadia is more than a friend. She is my spiritual twin. We think about the same thing at the same time, as if we have one unconscious for two. I don’t know how my married life will turn out, whether it will last forever. But what I am sure without a shadow of a doubt is that Nadia and I will always be friends, ”Svetlana, 31, is sure.
Such a deep relationship with another person, which does not involve sensual overtones, denotes a need to escape from loneliness. A “symbiotic” friend is your double, a mirror. This is the person who gives confidence that there is someone in the world just like you, who shares the same values, thoughts and judgments.
In this form, the world appears to such people as less dangerous.
“A person looking for this type of friendship usually finds it difficult to be alone with himself,” says Stefano Costa, a psychotherapist and expert at the Italian Psychologies. “We are talking about those people who, in order to feel alive and be sure of their existence, must constantly be in contact with another person, and friendships must be special.”
In this form, the world appears less dangerous to such people, since they do not face it alone, but together with a friend. This is a precious connection, which, however, contains a component of strong passion, paradoxically putting this connection in danger of breaking at the first sign, interpreted as “betrayal”. For example, one of two friends begins to communicate and be friends with someone else.
2. Confidant: someone with whom we feel like ourselves
“What is especially good when it comes to friends is that they love us despite our shortcomings. With them, you can be yourself, while with the family we very often have to play a certain role and be its hostage: an obedient daughter, a loving wife, an ideal mother…” says 36-year-old Marina.
Friendship gives us the opportunity not to be perfect, to show ourselves without a mask, with all our doubts and shortcomings. “Confidence that you are understood and accepted is the basis of friendship. A true friend is someone we can trust and who allows us to open up,” says Ludovica Scarpa, communication expert, expert at Italian Psychologies.
Friendship is simple love that doesn’t take effort to please
We can tolerate remarks from a friend that we would never tolerate from a stranger, because towards our friend we experience what I call “positive bias”: we know that he only wants the best for us, that he helps us.
Friendship is simple love, in which no effort is needed to please or achieve something, unlike love relationships. Friendship does not involve possession and appropriation, we address each other disinterestedly, and that is why mutual trust becomes absolute. A friend – a confidant – is someone who does not judge us, but who speaks to us in no uncertain terms, with complete frankness, and sometimes this frankness can hurt us.
3. Eyewitness: one who remembers how it all began
Often these are childhood friends with whom we remember the past and when we meet, we become the children we once were. To perpetuate childhood friendship means to maintain closeness with parents. Family values are discussed with such friends, and both families.
Eyewitness friend, although he took a different path, reminds us of childhood
“Strange parents have always been better than their own,” comments Stefano Costa. – This is due to a defense mechanism: idealizing a friend, we also idealize his whole family. Own parents always scolded, and strangers did not pursue this thankless goal.
An eyewitness friend, although he took a different path, reminds us of childhood, allows us to evaluate and measure the path we have traveled.
4. Compensator: one who gives what is missing
Friends compensate for what we lack and confirm our “I”. “First of all in adolescence and youth,” emphasizes Stefano Costa. “When peer relationships become a mirror through which young people unconsciously reinforce their choices.”
Who was the eldest child in the family, he continues to carve out a place for himself as a leader, finding such friends who need it. Friends of this type embody considerable confidence and help heal childhood wounds.
Friend-adventure makes us look at many things differently
“Sergei is like an older brother to me,” explains 45-year-old Maxim. “He gives me advice about work and helps me move forward.” Of course, a compensating friend helps to better cope with difficulties, but there is a risk of loading him with his own problems and suffering, for which he is not responsible.
5. Adventure friend: one who expands our view of the world
With an adventure friend, you can explore everything unfamiliar … “A new trend in our busy life is that we are looking for friendship for refuge, in order to protect ourselves first of all,” emphasizes the psychologist and Cesare Caniklin. “It’s good if at this moment an adventure friend appears who opens our eyes to the world and the future. It is unlikely that we could have done it alone.”
An adventure friend makes us look at many things differently: simply because he has a different lifestyle and social circle. Often in such cases we are talking about creative people, for example, artists.
Trying to surround yourself with these types of friends is just the way to go.
“Anton works as a photographer and is torn between Milan, Paris and New York. His life is a hundred light-years away from me, but every time we meet, we start the interrupted conversation from the place where we ended the last meeting, ”says 42-year-old Dmitry.
Trying to surround yourself with friends of this type, far from the usual way of life, is just the path that is worth it to go. Provided that the differences between you are a source of enrichment, and not a cause of misunderstanding.