Men can’t read minds. However, as women. So the best way to resolve conflict situations is a frank conversation.
Many family conflicts are associated with a woman’s resentment that her husband does not understand her. She does not understand why some of his remarks, suggestions or actions can hurt and upset her greatly. However, it is not even necessary that her experiences be associated with some of his actions, they can be associated with external circumstances or with the actions of other people, but committed before his eyes or told to him, and he had to understand how this could to act on it.
How could he not notice? After all, we do not just live together, we are close people. After all, I immediately feel that it can upset him, and I try to console him. If he does not understand what upset or offended me, it means that he is inattentive to me and does not love me.
As soon as a woman makes such a conclusion, it causes in her no longer just a fleeting insult, which can easily be smoothed out by a simple manifestation of warmth. Doubt that she is loved and understood often leads to alienation, which discourages a man.
He does not understand that he offended her with something, because he did not want this at all. He knows that he loves her, and she must feel it. He is confused, he is confused. Where does this alienation come from? Maybe he is no longer interested in her? He sees that she does not want to explain and discuss anything, feels her closeness and detachment, but does not feel guilty about herself. All together causes a feeling of a collapsing relationship in a man.
But she is just waiting for him to understand the reason for her resentment, if he loves. A vicious circle is created. Meanwhile, his misunderstanding is often quite natural and is explained by the psychological differences between men and women.
- Can men and women hear each other
The world of a woman who has a strongly developed feminine principle is concentrated on personal relationships between family members. Without this ability, it would be difficult for her to raise children who need to be understood without words. A woman by nature is adapted to being sensitive to the mood of her loved ones. Men can rarely boast of this, often they don’t really understand and feel people at all, because by nature they are aimed at changing the outside world, at achieving external goals. And least of all, they understand how their behavior affects relationships in the family — they may simply not see themselves from the outside. It seems to them that it is enough that they have good intentions. And what are the results of their behavior and how others understand their manner of behaving, they are often unaware.
When a woman begins to act aloof, it often seems to men that they have simply fallen out of love and no one needs them.
Before my eyes, because of this behavior of my wife, the family collapsed. The husband, who tried his best to be a good husband and father, constantly came across the fact that his wife was offended for some unknown reason and did not talk. As he told me, 90% of the time she simply refused to communicate with him. In the end, he simply got tired of it, because it put him in a situation of helplessness. And he left the family, which surprised his wife very much.
A woman with a dominant feminine principle sees the whole world as part of her personal life. At the center of this world are relationships with a man. And implicitly, a woman often expects the same attitude from a man and cannot understand how he can not notice what is so important to her. It seems humiliating to her to explain what he, in her view, should see for himself if he loves.
It is important to remember that men perceive the world differently, even if for them their family is the most important thing in the world. Wise women tend to understand this. One of them, my relative, told me that she knows exactly what and when her husband himself will not understand. She always asked her friends who were offended by their husbands in surprise: “Is it hard to say?”
All this, of course, refers to the kind of relationship when a loved one is sensitive to your condition, but does not understand its reason, even if it seems obvious to you. Then it is worth explaining it, and it turns out that this is easy to do — because he really wants to understand and help, but does not know what happened and how he can help. Not feeling the state of another and not understanding the reasons for this state are two different things, and if he feels that you feel bad, then this makes him feel bad too, he also needs sympathy and an explanation of what seems obvious to you.
And finally, as a man, I can say that the feeling of helplessness due to a lack of understanding of the wife’s reaction is very painful for a loving husband, and he needs to be rid of this feeling. And it’s so simple — you need to openly explain everything, rising above his misunderstanding …