Stories from life.
History first (the story of one pope).
My wife and I are divorced, I have a daughter (5 years old) at the weekend. I told her that I was not allowed to be upset, but if she wanted, it could be done in the bathroom. My daughter accepted it normally, she practically stopped getting upset, maybe she went to the bath a couple of times to sniff her nose. The weekend ends, I’m taking my daughter to my mother, talking at the door of the entrance (almost verbatim).
Me — How was your weekend? Did you like it?
Daughter — (Smiling) Yes, it was fun!
Me — What do you like the most?
D — New board games! And hill climbing!
Me — I liked it too! So tell me, are you going to get upset?
D — (seriously) I won’t do it again.
I — That’s right, dad can’t be upset …
D — (interrupting) But mom can!
I — (for a second lost the power of speech) That’s right, because my mother has such rules. Mom allows you to be upset, dad forbids. Go home?
D — (happily) Let’s run!!!
She hugged me with a smile and ran home to her mother.
The second story.
Lena saved up money and bought herself headphones by ordering them on the Internet. She looks — and there is another connector, these headphones do not fit her phone. She was very upset, did not burst into tears, but scolded the world and herself: “What a fool I am, what a pity!”
Mom: «Helen. dear, do not be so upset, you better think about what you can do. Maybe you can solder something? Lena: “No, mom, after all, this won’t work, you’ll have to order new ones!” — and continues to worry.
The decision of the pope was different, namely: “Helen, come here, sit next to me. Report — what did we have today? “I was upset” “Who gave you permission?” «But I’m a little.» The daughter understands that, in principle, it would be possible not to be upset. Dad: “You know, I love Lena, Lena is smart, so if something happened to her, then she needs to think, and not get upset. And I will not let anyone upset my daughter, including Lena. I don’t want a daughter who is ill. My daughter should always be joyful, smart, healthy and happy.” “Well, shouldn’t I be upset at all?” “Lena, attention: you can’t upset yourself. Stop doing it, come to your senses. You need to resolve the issue. How? You can come up with it yourself, you can contact us. Is there any clarity?
These are three instructions. The first is the prohibition against harming one’s own condition. The second is the obligation to turn on the head. The third is the prescription to contact the parents when the best solution cannot be found.
Total: the female approach is not radical, soft. You don’t need everything at once and abruptly, everything is better gradually. That is: “You can worry, but not so much and not for so long. I was worried — turn on your head. The masculine approach is different, radical and tough: “Why a little when you can remove everything at once? Let’s just do it smartly, and so that this garbage, these disorders do not exist at all. With a masculine approach, we do not sympathize with the disorder, we do not reassure, but we give instructions and control the implementation.
What do you think about these two approaches?