Dima, after the wedding: “I was wrong about Nadia. She turned out better than I thought.»
A phrase I heard only once in my life
Dreams are typical before the wedding, disappointments after the wedding. It was believed that the holidays of infrequent meetings would turn into a continuous holiday. It was believed: “We will get married — and we will become better, and love will be stronger.” Got married. Registration took place, but the miracle did not happen: we remained the same and with the same problems.
And problems are added: where to live, what to live on, how to get along … Before marriage, he provided meetings, now it is necessary to provide for the family. We have to move from conversations to deeds, but in deeds, in life, we turn out to be ordinary and difficult.
What did lovers do before marriage? Nothing, they cooed and kissed. And as soon as they got married, resentment and discontent begin, because life is scratched. Holidays were replaced by weekdays and everyday life.
A girl from the role of a princess immediately after the wedding falls into the position of a servant. Fans, meetings, flowers, dances and other attributes of a beautiful free life — disappear, replaced by numerous family worries, dirty pots and wet diapers.
Flowers will now be given three times a year — on March 8, birthday and wedding day, and then you need to remind your husband, otherwise he will forget.
Sleepless nights, no money, everything is bad … And when everything is bad, everyone around seems already bad.
One woman complained to her friend: “Imagine, I wake up at night with a headache, my head is splitting, and he is sleeping, still smiling, you bastard …” In my opinion, this is a classic.
Claims, accusations of one give rise to counterclaims and accusations of another, insults and quarrels become more frequent. The honeymoon has passed (from a week to half a year) — they are fed up with love: they have talked enough, enjoyed themselves, tired, their eyes no longer burn. The fact that now they are always together is not only a plus. Before marriage, feelings were fueled by parting. And here together every day! Every day. Every day…
You wake up — his trousers are hanging on a chair, and next to him he lies and snores, and you can’t get away from him … Get up, cook breakfast for him.
The decline in love is disturbing, although it is not “Loves — does not love” that should worry, but the decline in the culture of relationships: the appearance of irritability and dissatisfaction with each other.
A decrease in love is natural, you just wake up: and here it’s harder for the one who was in love more — he slept more soundly. And the decline in the level of relations is not a pattern, but a consequence of our habitual lack of culture.
Some of the “pre-family” virtues have already become familiar and are not noticed, the other part “in the light of new requirements” turns into shortcomings, and what was not required from the sweetheart before, now turns out to be the most important.
And if before the wedding we were “in masks” (we showed ourselves “showcase”, and not real), now the masks are being dropped. It is no longer necessary to conquer each other (here she lies, conquered!), We relax and stop looking after ourselves. He forgets how pleasant attention and tenderness are to her, how his help is needed. She ceases to monitor not only her manner of speaking, but also her appearance, the way she is dressed, and all this is important.
There is such a thing as «people». So, “for people” she will dress and look like it should. The husband, apparently, is not included in the concept of «people», because at home, with her husband, she will walk unassembled, in a dressing gown of the «God forbid» style, which the husband observes. And compares it to the women he meets on the street.ye
And now: all this is not true.
The truth is that this happens to everyone and always. For smart people, life after the wedding becomes even brighter and happier than the meetings before the wedding. The anxieties “will it work out”, the last shadows of distrust disappear — we really want to love and be together, we are getting used to taking care of each other more and more and it’s getting easier for us to do this … We become a couple.
Only…
Only for this you need to educate yourself for a long time, learn to live with your head and understand people well. And also — to prepare for a meeting with your beloved (beloved) ten years before you actually meet her (him)!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.