“What are your fears?” they asked me once. And I remembered the fear of heights. He stayed with me, although I got rid of many fears. Here is the question: why do I not fight the fear of heights, although I know that this is possible?
And I answer myself: he remained as a weakness that I can afford, with the help of which I remind myself that there are limits to possibilities. In order not to imagine yourself too powerful, you need a sense of edge. For some reason, it is important for me to know that there is a height to which I will not rise.
In childhood, probably, everyone happened to pick their sores. You take off the brown dried crust, and under it is a thin pink skin, sometimes blood will appear. Why do children do this? They are afraid of blood and pain. Freud offered an interesting answer: for a child, this is a way to make sure that he is alive. When you acquire during your life a sense of power in some significant area of your life (for example, professional), the simplest thing you can do to feel adequate, alive is to feel your weakness.
Feeling weak is the easiest way to feel alive
Knowing your weakness is an important part of dealing with reality. Let’s take swimming as an example. People often drown when they have learned to swim but do not understand their limits. Suppose a good swimmer knows he is strong and fast. But how resilient is he? Will he be able to swim in heavy seas? Thinking: “I can do everything, everything is subject to me,” he can get into a dangerous situation. He is overwhelmed by a wave, he falls into a panic … And the other dives under the wave, waits and swims out.
Or he will make a different decision: he will not enter the water at all if it is restless. Because he knows where his skill ends. Realizing the limits of your capabilities, you can see how to expand them. Decide if it’s worth the time and effort to develop our skills, or just accept that we shouldn’t swim too far.
We strive for perfection. We try to get rid of shortcomings and solve all our problems. But as a result, we sometimes acquire a new fear: to seem weak. We are afraid to show our incompetence, to admit that we are not omnipotent. We are ready, as soon as we get on skis, to jump from a springboard so that we are not accused of being afraid of something. We are ready to cross the line that separates us from inadequacy in the perception of ourselves. The fear of showing weakness becomes more terrible than any other fear.
While the recognition of their weaknesses allows you to feel free. My colleague, a psychologist, was once asked by students: how to learn not to be afraid? It seemed to them, young professionals, that in order to help other people, you need to become impeccable. And he said: “You know, I realized that I had achieved something when I stopped being afraid of my fear.”