A man and a woman are just friends: they communicate, spend time together. And then suddenly they realize that they love each other, and decide to become a couple. This is one of the most famous plot moves in literature and cinema. Only, as scientists have found out, it is no less popular in real life.
Recently, American psychologists conducted a study to find out how often friendship develops into love in real life. Of the 1900 respondents, about 70% said that the relationship with the current partner began with a simple friendship. It is noteworthy that among 20-30-year-olds, 84% gave this answer, and the answers of men and women did not differ significantly.
Some of the study participants admitted that they specifically wanted to make friends with a future partner, as they hoped that the friendship would grow into something more. But there were few of them, since 70% of respondents had romantic feelings for a partner only when they recognized him as a friend.
“For many people, the ideal relationship is friendship, but with the addition of romance and sex. If everything starts with friendship, this allows you to build mutual trust, understand each other’s principles and values, and find common interests. On this foundation, intimacy is built,” explains family therapist Saba Haruni Luri.
According to the results of the survey, almost half of the participants would really prefer that the relationship grew out of friendship.
Only 18% would like to get acquainted through mutual friends or at the place of study. However, this is not surprising, because the friendship-love relationship has many advantages. You already know the potential partner well and are not trying to impress them in any particular way.
“Friendship enables people to be open and honest. To truly get to know each other without judging, judging, or trying to be perfect. When two friends decide they want something more, they know they are taking that risky step with someone they love, understand, and trust,” says family therapist Shontel Cargill.
The period of friendship is a chance to find out how much this person is ready to support you and how he behaves in conflict situations. True friendship is openness in communication, the ability to resolve conflicts, forgive and reconcile.
“I have heard from patients of all ages that the support of a partner and true friendship with him helped them achieve their life goals, both personal and professional,” says psychiatrist Leela Magavi.
How important is friendship in a relationship?
If the relationship has entered a romantic phase, this does not mean that the friendship has suddenly disappeared somewhere. It remains part of the overall dynamics of what is happening between the partners, continuing to connect them. “Friendship is mutual support, openness and frankness, the joy of communication and much more. All this is no less important in a love relationship,” Magavi emphasizes.
Plus, previous friendships can take your sex life to the next level.
“Those of my patients who have started dating or married friends have reported strong emotional bonds with their partners and unusually intense romantic and sexual experiences. Emotions like these trigger the release of orgasm-enhancing hormones into the brain. Many people report that they laugh more, dance more and have great sex with partners who used to be friends,” says Leela Magavi.