From the correspondence on Psychologos:
“I have 2 children, a full-fledged family. I don’t work, I work with children. The eldest is 6 years old. If something is not for her, she starts yelling and can hit me. Dad didn’t buy a bike yesterday, but he promised, she started screaming and crying at first, you have to apologize to me. Then her father told her that he would not apologize. So there were circumstances, I did not buy today, I will buy tomorrow. There is another, small one — ride it. She tried to hit me with her hand 2 times. I caught her hand and did not let go until she apologized, she apologized, I let go of her hand and then she tried to hit me a third time. I sent her to the room and didn’t talk to her. She sat and played there. I didn’t even get upset. In the morning I talked to her, but this is not the first time and when something is not for her, she can hit me. Dad thinks she should have been hit hard. How to be in such cases? If they are periodically repeated?
The answer is:
“Thank you for a wonderful evening! I promise we will visit you more often!” — The guests were sincere, but if after that they can’t come, will you make claims to them? I hope not… If you jokingly scold on the phone: “Why don’t you come? After all, they promised!” — it will be appropriate and remind them of their desire. But if you demand an apology for not fulfilling the promise, then this is inadequate, then no one will promise you anything else and they simply won’t come to visit you another time.
Read in the dictionary: «A promise is voluntary obligation, the consent of someone to do something or, on the contrary, not to do something.
Naturally, responsible people, when it comes to business matters, try to keep their promises. Promise — do it. He promised to go to the store — go to the store, relatives are counting on it. Between responsible people in business relations, to “promise” means to conclude an unspoken agreement, and the one who thoughtlessly distributes his promises and does not fulfill them is an irresponsible person. However, never confuse personal and business relationships, do not confuse promises and contracts.
If you need a firm agreement, talk about it seriously and negotiate. If necessary, discuss sanctions. If you did not conclude an agreement and the person only promised you, you did not conclude an agreement and you have no right to make claims.
A promise is not a contract. A promise is a communication of intention, it is an expression of desire, and the fulfillment of a promise is only the good will of the one who promised, and not an obligation that entails sanctions for non-fulfillment.
The words of the child “I promise not to be late again…” under the menacing eyes of the mother are the feelings of the Child, and not the agreement of the Adults: read Bern! And if dad promised to buy a bike for his daughter, a well-bred daughter has the right only to kiss dad: “Thank you, daddy!” and then wait until dad succeeds. Yes, and behave well: if he behaves badly, dad will not only not buy a new bicycle, but also take away the old tricycle.
Can a daughter remind dad of his promise? Maybe if dad will help and if dad will like the intonations of his daughter. And if dad is met by a daughter who is dissatisfied with dad shouting “Where is my bike ?!” and the demand “Why didn’t you buy? Ask me for forgiveness! ”, Then dad is really to blame … Indeed, why is his daughter so spoiled and ill-mannered?
Maybe now we should put them both in a corner?
Yes, and recently I was told a joke. Mom comes to the Children’s World, her child whines: “Mom, buy me the biggest toy!”. Mom persuades him: “Well, let’s buy this one? Or this one?”, but the child only yells and throws tantrums: “I want the biggest toy! You promised me!» A decent young man comes up to them and says: “You know, I work here as a child psychologist. If I can help you in any way, I’ll be happy to do so. It seems to me that it would be good for the child to calm down … Will you allow me, here is my office, we will retire with him for a couple of minutes, I will try to negotiate with him? — «Yes OK!». After a couple of minutes, the child leaves the psychologist’s office, takes his mother by the hand and says: “Mom, my love, I will be very grateful to you if you have the opportunity to buy me the smallest toy!”. Mom got emotional, bought a toy and asked: “How did you talk to a psychologist?” — “Yeah, we just went out the door, he turned to me, showed his hefty fist and said — you will still yell, ladies in the forehead!”.
Here is an anecdote about the Children’s World and a good psychologist.