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Near and in sorrow, and in joy. Always together. It seems that this is what we dream about. But sometimes temporary separation is the only way to understand what we want from each other. If you decide to take a break from a relationship, these rules will help you prepare for it and get the most out of it.
1. Explain the situation to your closest associates
Before you begin “healing separation,” discuss how you will tell your families and friends about it. Some of them can be devoted to the details, and someone simply put before the fact. So you, at least in part, but save yourself from further questions: “Did something happen to you?”, “Why don’t you live together?”. However, this is still unlikely to save you from advice and other people’s opinions in the spirit of “We must go through difficulties together”.
2. Discuss the “baby question”
If you have children, then you need to agree on how much time each partner will spend with them. For example, mom – three days a week, dad – four. Don’t worry that this will negatively affect your relationship with your children – most likely, they will only get better, because you will begin to spend a lot of time alone with them.
3. Decide how much time you will spend apart
You break up in order to understand whether you need to be together or not, and in order to understand yourself. And in both cases, it can take a lot of time. The average time for such a breakup is three months, but there is nothing wrong with “extending” it to six months. Chances are that the longer this period lasts, the more valuable your reunion will be – you will return not out of fear or the burden of loneliness, but because you will be truly ready to continue the relationship with your partner.
4. Do not promise anything to each other
You do not know what conclusion you will come to when the “medical separation” comes to an end. You may decide to get back together, as you realize that you still love your partner deeply and are ready to work with him on the relationship. Or you acknowledge the fact that at this stage in your life you feel good being alone. Therefore, it is better to do without promises that you may not be able to keep.
5. Keep your distance
Taking a break and continuing to live in the same house is a bad idea. So you are unlikely to be able to understand what you are outside of a relationship, what you are if you are alone. To find out who you are and what you want from yourself, from your partner and from life in general, you need to be away from the person to whom you are attached for some time.
6. Make an appointment
When, how and where will you communicate? Just because you need to stay away from your partner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see each other at all. At first, of course, it is better not to meet for a week or two. During this time, calls and messages remain at your disposal.
Then you can start inviting each other on dates, as it was at the very beginning of the relationship. And during these dates, you can do something new that you have never tried before. Just refrain from intimacy until you realize that you are ready to move in again or sleep in the same bedroom. Look for other ways to enjoy communication.
7. Find useful activities
As long as you are on your own, you can plunge headlong into your interests. For example, decide on a retreat or make a pilgrimage. Immerse yourself in creativity: draw, write, dance. Go where your partner did not want to fly and did not let you go alone. Or see a psychologist.
8. Don’t start new relationships
Remember that you decided to live separately in order to get to know yourself better and sort out the relationship with your current partner. So what’s the point of dating or sleeping with others? So you can not only get confused about how you feel in relation to your partner, but also become attached to a third person.
If at some point in the separation you realize that you want to be together, then do not come back abruptly. Start spending more time with each other: touch each other, spend the night together. This way you can get to know each other again. And don’t forget the experiences you’ve gained one by one – use them to make your relationship better.