We need hugs and touches

At 49, University of Virginia psychology professor James Coan suffered a massive heart attack. He was in intensive care in a state of cardiogenic shock, and his chances of survival were low: “I lay there and realized that I might be dying. And at some point, the nurse suddenly took my hand. I will never forget it – it was such a humane, benevolent gesture on her part. It certainly helped me.”

Now the psychologist is teaching a course under the unusual title “Why are we holding hands?” and studies how we are affected by tactile contact with other people. He argues that the sharp decline in physical contact and hugging over the past year is extremely detrimental to our mental health.

What happens when we are deprived of physical contact with others?

The feeling of loneliness in itself creates stress. But when we are out of contact with our social environment for a long time, the load on the brain increases dramatically – we have a lot to worry about.

We begin to look everywhere for potential danger. These disturbing thoughts prevent us from fully taking care of ourselves and enjoying life.

How does this affect our mental health?

Our brain is so arranged that it tries to partly “shift” its anxiety onto others. If we are deprived of social support, the entire load falls entirely on us, which inevitably tires and reduces mental performance. A kind of depression sets in, albeit without severe anguish.

“I’m not sad, I have no reason to get depressed, but I constantly want to lie down and take a nap. And I began to think badly, ”many people describe this state in approximately this way. This is how our brain reacts if we are constantly worried about something and cannot calm down and relax.

Why are hugs and physical contact so beneficial for us?

By cuddling with someone, we clearly let our brain know that we are not alone, that there is someone else besides us who can see potential problems in advance. Someone who can help us, help out in difficult times. And the brain can rest a bit, shifting some of the load on the brain of another person.

There are analogues of hugs in the animal world. For example, many mammals snuggle up to their relatives during sleep or rest – this is how heat is better retained.

“Why are we holding hands? The more I studied this issue, the more I realized that this kind of physical contact is very special. Our palms are extraordinarily rich in nerve endings, they can even be called special sense organs, ”explains James Coan.

In all countries and cultures, people hold hands. Everywhere and always in times of stress, we often touch each other, hug, dance and sing together.

Do we really need hugs?

“Hugs are absolutely necessary. There is no doubt here. Physical contact with a loved one gives us a huge investment – we realize that there is someone with whom we can share life’s hardships. And this is a wonderful feeling, ”says the psychologist.

How to replace the missing physical contact?

The lack of tactile contact can be compensated, for example, by pets. It is no coincidence that during the pandemic they began to start in huge quantities.

“We got two wonderful kittens. Fortunately, I myself am not alone – on the contrary, my children literally sit on my head all day! But I still feel better when petting cats! So I am sure that pets bring us great benefits,” says Koan.

The professor recommends another unusual “cure” for feelings of loneliness.

“The city of Bergamo in Italy took a particularly hard hit at the start of the pandemic. Many residents died of disease, the city began to plunge into chaos. What did the residents do to somehow support each other? They went out onto the balconies and sang songs to each other!

The same thing happened in Paris when Notre Dame was on fire. Parisians gathered in the streets, helplessly watching the disaster, sang songs, helping each other not to lose heart, ”Koan says.