The park, the silence, the singing of birds… And everything would be fine if there was not a company nearby that turned on the music column at full volume. The beach, the sound of the surf, the singing of cicadas – the same problem. Bus? Again it. A psychologist, a lawyer, and a communications expert tell you what to do in such situations.
In the era of portable speakers, breaking the silence in public places has become commonplace. And while amateur DJs are enjoying their playlist, forced listeners are suffering, tormented by irritation, turning into anger. Especially if a small child sleeps in a stroller. What can be done in this situation, and most importantly, is it worth doing anything at all?
The first and perhaps the most obvious answer is to try to negotiate. “Sometimes people willingly respond to a request to make it quieter,” says lawyer Angelina Sevostyanova. “In such a situation, it is important to understand the motives of a person: maybe the one who listens to music loudly does not hear well and simply does not understand that it causes discomfort to others.”
What if there is a disdainful attitude towards others in the actions of the owner of the sound source?
What do the rules of etiquette say about this? “One of the most important concepts in etiquette is personal space,” explains Fyodor Vasilyev, an expert in cross-cultural communication and customer focus. “When we listen to music loudly, we violate the privacy of those who are nearby, and this is unacceptable.
However, the nuance is that etiquette and its rules are products of Western culture, where there is a concept of privacy. We Russians are more in line with the Eastern mentality. We have no concept of private space and never had it. It is enough to remember how our ancestors lived: in one hut, with the whole family (or even two), literally on each other’s heads – and this was considered the norm.
On the one hand, our history, which shows that nothing supernatural happens, on the other hand, the rules of etiquette that prohibit interfering with others. That is why, according to Fyodor Vasilyev, it is so difficult to answer the question of who they are – these lovers to turn up the volume: just ill-mannered people or those who, in principle, do not know what personal space is.
Be that as it may, the question of whether to go on the warpath remains
But first, psychologist Kirill Yakovlev suggests getting acquainted with the term “dichotomy of control” – this is a person’s ability to divide things and events into those that we can control and those that we cannot.
“What we eat, what we wear and what we do is under our control,” the expert explains. “We cannot control the behavior, thoughts and words of other people (and if we can, then only partially).”
How should we respond to what we have no control over?
“No way,” Kirill Yakovlev is sure. “We don’t get upset when we see clouds instead of the sun. Why? Because we realize that nothing will change from our attitude. With people who, due to bad manners, arrogance or lack of respect for others, listen to music loudly, we, unfortunately, cannot do anything either. So, there is no point in reacting to it.”
But if, nevertheless, loud music annoys you, then for a start the expert advises to try to calm down. During anger, our thinking becomes less logical, adequate, and behavior more impulsive. After you have lowered the level of internal tension a little, ask yourself a few questions:
- How true in a particular situation would it be to make a remark?
- What is the point of this remark? Will this change the current situation?
- Am I sure that the remark will change her for the better?
- How helpful would it be for me to make a remark?
- Will it distract me from more important things?
According to Kirill Yakovlev, the answers to these questions will help you quickly decide whether your remark will be useful in a particular situation.
“For example, if you make a remark to children, you often have a positive impact on the younger generation, give feedback, form values,” says the psychologist. – As for adults, before making a remark, be prepared for a different outcome of events. After all, often serious conflicts begin with one wrong word.
The colleague is supported by Fedor Vasiliev. “Is it worth the fight? I think no. There’s a good chance they won’t listen to you. As well as the likelihood that you will be rudely answered. A boor person or he is just used to living like this, he cannot be retrained or remade.
Despite the fact that such conflicts do not always lie in the plane of legal regulation, they can be transferred there.
“If you can’t build a dialogue with music lovers, and they continue to deliberately violate the generally recognized norms of the rules of conduct, you should contact the police,” advises lawyer Angelina Sevostyanova. – If people respond to a request to make it quieter by increasing the volume, fix it on your smartphone.
If there is reliable evidence of a violation of public order, the police can draw up a report on an administrative offense. Significant evidence of disturbing the peace of others is obscene language in songs and insults.
If the police refuse to draw up a protocol on an administrative violation, then these actions can be appealed. But before that, it’s better not to bring it up and try to resolve the conflict peacefully.”
About the experts
Fedor Vasiliev — an expert in customer focus and cross-cultural communication.
Kirill Yakovlev is a psychologist, member of the Association for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy, author of the book Become Real! His .
Angelina Sevostyanova — Lawyer in KCG Corporate Practice, Founder of CCL Law Firm.