I once came across a scientific article, the author of which stated in popular language the idea that the strategies of our family behavior strongly influence our behavior. At the same time, we often do not realize that there are some strategies at all and that they affect something. Especially effectively, studies say, we are influenced by the financial strategies of moms and dads, as well as previous generations.
Even if you did not go to a psychotherapist with these questions and did not deal with a specialist, you can still track family financial strategies at least according to those proverbs and sayings that were in use or are now used in your family.
Of course, I know how to earn money, it’s just that I don’t have enough money and they always disappear somewhere. And at the most unexpected moment. At the same time, I had a fairly ordinary Soviet family, probably with an average income. What deep strategies and tactics of dealing with money were hidden in my family, it never occurred to me at all. And here it is.
On the one hand, my relatives are excellent at surviving, “turning around”, not whining and finding a way out. And it seems to me that previous generations of the family also knew how. When the Soviet Union and the whole familiar economic world collapsed and the smell of collective poverty, my mother quickly became a shuttle and raised two teenagers, me and my brother. Successfully, albeit with hellish labor costs.
Father at the same time ceased to be a military man, but, unlike other demobilized officers, he did not fall into a long-term stupor, but quickly retrained from a military doctor to a chiropractor. That is, in my family, the ability to adapt to new circumstances is quite high. Mom accompanied this with the saying «The need for invention is cunning.» That is still a goal. And if it’s naked, then we will always not live, but survive. And in general, life in the understanding of my family is something unstable, force majeure must constantly occur in it. And we will overcome it.
When you manage to earn a large amount of money, the «spring effect» is triggered. Money starts to frantically spend
This is illustrated by an anecdote that pops up in the family in a variety of conversations about once a month, for many years now. “Armenian radio is asked the question: where to find a toilet during an atomic war? Armenian radio replies: you first find your ass.”
How does this happen in our family? For example, I call my mother and ask if she wants to go to a concert (go to the sea with me / go to the mall / go to visit). In response, mom laughs and says: “I first need to find my ass.” This means that force majeure continues and nothing can be afforded again. Although in reality, of course, it is possible. I also catch myself on the fact that suddenly once — and I will answer someone with this anecdote, implying that now is not the time to do something for myself.
When you manage to earn a large amount of money — usually this happens after a long period of savings (we call it «tightening the straps») — the «spring effect» works: money begins to be spent frantically, quickly and unwisely. We have a saying about this at home, “Walk, flaw.” That is, it turns out that we are a flaw. And when there is no money, which, frankly, happens often, “there is a louse on the lasso in your pocket”, and “the mouse hanged itself” in the refrigerator. And we are «naked like falcons.»
On the one hand, the worldview determines the content of proverbs, on the other hand, proverbs affect the worldview of people.
It became interesting to me how things are with the poor proverbs in other families. I’m asking a friend if she has something similar.
“But how?” he replies. — For example, money appeared, and then, of course, it ran out. Do you know what we are saying? “We didn’t live richly, there’s nothing to start.” That is, in a normal state, we are poor, and it is better to accept this fact right away, so that in the event that the money runs out again, we will no longer be upset. This, without hesitation, is sentenced by several generations of our family. Or my friend took the whole family to the sea. And not only his wife and children — he also paid for the trip to the boyfriend of the eldest daughter and the girlfriend of the eldest son. A total of seven people, and it’s scary to imagine how much it cost him. At home they said about it: «The rich have their own quirks.» That is, we are poor and we, the rich, cannot understand them. In such cases, my mother says: «The well-fed does not understand the hungry.» Without hesitation, she refers herself to the hungry, that is, the poor.
I managed to find one more proof that there really is nothing accidental in the proverbs adopted in the family. I will quote you a scientific article: “There is a two-way dependence between the worldview and proverbs. On the one hand, the worldview determines the content of proverbs, on the other hand, proverbs influence the worldview of people. In short, in simple terms, these family proverbs contain, firstly, the experience of past generations, and secondly, our psychological or worldview orientation for the future, our program.
That is, saying: “We didn’t live richly, there’s nothing to start” — we are going to be poor in the future. Only now I could not find an answer to the question of how to change this family program, laid down for centuries.
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