This phrase has many variants: “To want is to be able”, “Whoever wants, he will achieve” … So we push a lazy child, we reproach a sluggish friend, we blame those who are addicted to alcohol (or love), whose passion we can’t accept in any way. And we demand: “Get together! You can if you want!»
This categorical, devaluing imperative, partly derived from the Kantian idea of free will (“You must, therefore you can”), seems to govern us more and more in everyday life. Leading fashion leadership trainings proclaim: “If you want, do it. If you can’t, die!» Advertising slogans, popular books about positive thinking and personal growth convince us that each of us is the creator of our own destiny. Yes, we can… Yes, we can! Everyone attracts what they think about. And if you are incapable of achievement, so much the worse for you.
Alas, we have to admit that omnipotence is an illusory feeling. Here, for example, those who vowed to start a new life from January 1 (go on a diet, go in for sports or English), there is no doubt that after a month they abandoned their idea. As if against my own will. “Our conscious desires are often opposed by powerful unconscious impulses,” explains psychoanalyst Svetlana Fedorova. — We set goals (to make money, make a career) and think that we really want it, but unconsciously we may want the opposite. — peace, solitude, creativity … «So we can do what we unconsciously want? “And this is not always the case,” notes Svetlana Fedorova. — Many of our deepest desires are taboo, and we cannot afford to realize them. And we are also hindered by fears, internal prohibitions and conflicts. A typical case: someone wants the success of their company. But on the outskirts of this success, it suddenly begins to create situations that worsen the situation and lead to collapse. Psychoanalysis helps to understand what drives him — for example, the fear of surpassing his father, or injuring someone close to him, or not being able to withstand the competition.
Oddly enough, to fail exactly where we especially want to succeed is also “helped” by the excessive force of desire: passion does not allow a sober assessment of what is planned, emotions are overwhelming, we intend to get everything at once, and failure to act systematically often leads to failure. “We are limited in equal measure by too strong desires and too great fears,” the analyst concludes. “So it’s better to try to balance them.” Conscious, tamed fear contributes to the integration of personality and leaves us at least a little freedom, room for maneuver. All these restrictions, of course, soften the pretensions of our ego. But they also remind us that there is a territory where we are able to act, express ourselves and hope for results … And this is precisely the area of our responsibility.