Stop obsessing over failures, worry less and be true to yourself… “It’s possible,” says psychotherapist Varvara Sidorova. “One of the paths leading to change can be the path of psychotherapy.”
«Get divorced, leave the family and start over? .. No, this is crazy.» «Quit? Now? I’m completely unprepared for this.» Any change scares us. But is it worth working with gritted teeth? To endure the humiliation of a boss who unleashes all the dogs on you? To put up with the fact that love has passed, and stay together for the sake of children?
“We are constantly changing: we are growing up, developing, showing ourselves in various situations, gaining new experience — and our life should change with us,” says Varvara Sidorova. “That is why it is useless to cling to what suited us before. In order to be ourselves, it is much more important to figure out what we need right now. ” The main thing is to find the strength and resources to commit an act: stay, changing yourself, or leave, changing circumstances.
Even to ourselves, we rarely admit how we feel.
How can psychotherapy help here? It will make it easier to understand why we stopped developing internally and what we really want, teach us to fulfill our desires and listen to the voice of the unconscious, bring us closer to the desired state in which we will finally live our lives.
Realize your desires
You had a quick breakfast, greeted your neighbors on the run, took the children to school, arrived at work, called your parents and girlfriend during a break. Everything is as usual. Remember how many times during this time you embellished reality, pretended that everything is fine with you — both at work and in your personal life? We need to maintain a semblance of well-being — others do not need to know that we are upset or unhappy. However, even to ourselves, we rarely admit what we feel, how we feel ourselves in the very depths of our souls.
“We calm ourselves and are not in a hurry to change anything, because we have already got used to the situation in which we suffer: it is safe and less costly, because any changes, including positive ones, always become stressful for our psyche, the resources of which are limited,” explains Varvara Sidorova. We are uncomfortable with a partner, but we are used to him, uncomfortable at work, but looking for another is too troublesome …
Desires and fantasies will tell you the direction in which you need to move
But if we try to figure out how we got into the vicious circle of suffering, honestly admitting that the relationship has exhausted itself, this will open up opportunities for change, there will be strength to step into the unknown. “Another important signal is our desires and fantasies. They will tell you the direction in which you need to move, — adds Varvara Sidorova. “And to determine what is behind our fantasies, different methods and directions of psychotherapy will help.”
trust yourself
35-year-old Alina came to a psychotherapist after a divorce. At the session, she suddenly found herself diligently drawing the letter “H” on a piece of paper. So hatred for her ex-spouse — great hatred with a capital letter — came out and helped Alina get off the ground.
“Spontaneity, automatic actions, intuition prompts — this is how the unconscious manifests itself, where all our experience is concentrated,” notes Varvara Sidorova. “It’s always good to listen to what comes from within. Another thing is that not everyone manages to establish contact with this part of themselves: due to our rationality or simply because there is no such habit. All types of psychotherapy, with the exception of behavioral, work with the unconscious, help to get in touch with it, learn to trust yourself.
understand your dreams
Our dreams are another way to communicate with the unconscious: to get an answer to an exciting question, to decide on desires, or to figure out what is missing in order to start changing. 43-year-old Svetlana had the following dream: “I am driving a car along the boulevard, dilapidated houses around me, charred trees, everything is gray, smoky and sad … And in the side streets I see a city — bright, colorful, seething … And someone loudly shouts to me — take the steering wheel, take the steering wheel!
Of course, the dream does not always contain such a clear clue: start driving the car and turn where you want, where life is … “Usually we see some images, since the unconscious does not recognize formal logic (from A follows B, from B follows C), — explains Varvara Sidorova. “It is not easy to understand this information on your own. The help of a therapist — not just a psychoanalyst — is to decipher the dream, to determine what it means for us, right now.
Hear the voice of the body
Another clue is our body language. “Everything that happens to us is imprinted in it,” says Varvara Sidorova. It is important to notice the connection between our spiritual experiences and bodily sensations. We feel good — we smile, our shoulders are straightened, our chin is raised. We expect a blow — and we pull our heads into our shoulders, clench our fists …
Dance-movement and body-oriented techniques, gestalt therapy purposefully work with the body, as a result, changing our attitude towards our own life. Collecting and processing all the signals that come to us (intuitive and bodily sensations, as well as dreams), we conduct an almost detective investigation of the events of our inner life, find “evidence” that helps to bring it to the end, and at the same time tell ourselves a story that is different from the one dictated to us. our past or our environment. These are those important changes, without which movement, development, life is impossible.