“We can also count on virtual friends”

Why is online friendship real?

Most of us have friends on social networks – people whom we know well in real life: old friends, buddies, colleagues, acquaintances. Social networks were conceived in order to facilitate communication – to be friends from a distance, to be aware of each other’s life. And so they became popular among residents of big cities who do not have the time and energy to often meet with their friends.

In addition, in social networks, we can make new friendships, find people who like us and who like us: friendship is a mutual concept. In this case, the rules of communication are naturally transferred to the Network from real life: if we are excluded from the list of friends, we will be offended; and if we ourselves want to part with a friend, then we will try to explain ourselves.

“Friend” on the Web is a multi-valued concept …

Especially in Russian social networks. Some blogs and profiles have become more and more like their own media, a newspaper, where the owner of the page expresses his view on a particular social problem, and friends and subscribers discuss this opinion, agree or argue.

In this case, we make friends in order to read different opinions, get information, and reflect, because it is not easy to find alternative points of view on what is happening around in the mainstream media.

Such friendship has nothing to do with whether we know each other, whether we like each other. We are just curious about what the “friend” writes, is it useful or necessary for work. But in such a relationship it is impossible to transfer the rules of friendship: there is no friendship there and cannot be.

On the Web, are we surrounded by people who don’t care about us?

In my opinion, virtual friends serve as a support group. If I suddenly write on my blog that I need help (and it happened more than once), a lot of strangers will be ready to help. And this is important, because loneliness in the crowd, life without a network of contacts, without a circle of friends, causes great anxiety in a person.

We cannot live without “a hundred friends” – people who do not give a damn about us, who, in case of anything, will insure us. And in this sense, the social network on the Internet reasonably makes up for the lack of real friends: we understand that they will come to our aid. This reduces anxiety and increases the feeling of security.

This is especially important for people who, due to certain circumstances of life, are limited in contacts within their non-virtual social network, for example, they live in another country, work mostly at home, or are simply very busy and have little time for meetings in real life.

As for blogs as mini-media, this is the choice of those who would like to realize themselves as a publicist, essayist or humorist, but not instead of their main profession, but at the same time as a hobby.

Should You Count on Online Friends?

Online friendships, like any relationship, need to be invested. Write, reply, comment… Be active, sincere, real, interesting. Few people want to support someone who is invisible, who writes little or offends interlocutors at a time of crisis. If we speak usefully, interestingly, kindly, and readers get the feeling that they are getting something from us (even if they just become more fun), there will be more people who want to be around.

In life, we sometimes come to the aid of people with whom we have not communicated for many years, but are connected by friendship or kinship. In social networks, everything is more superficial and pragmatic: what he gave to others, he received in return.

That is why on the Web (as opposed to personal communication) verbally gifted people get an advantage. Who can vividly and interestingly express their thoughts and feelings, respond to what is now worrying many. Even interesting and deep people who are deprived of this gift, in a network format, have little chance of getting much support.

Why are we so offended when we asked for help, complained about life, but did not receive the reaction we expected?

Because we do not always clearly understand that there are fewer obligations between online friends than in ordinary life. So we have no right to be offended if no one responds. But even the most banal words of support from strangers improve mood.

Communication on the Web is generally unsafe – and this is quickly found out by anyone who dares to open up to an audience wider than personally known, “live” people. And well-known bloggers or authors of top posts sometimes receive streams of insults and threats in response.

Different people choose different solutions in this regard: someone doses the level of self-disclosure (for example, stops writing about the family, posting photos of children), someone tries to establish and maintain the rules of communication on their blog, someone does not read comments on to their posts. But sometimes people underestimate the risks.

They may very much need help (when searching for a missing child, for example) and in this situation they do not take into account the risks. Or they consider the discussion so socially important that they are ready to bear the costs. Finally, there are netizens who enjoy any kind of attention, both positive and negative, and are less concerned about emotional security.

Sometimes, in response to a post with a spontaneous remark or not the most successful photo, you can get comments from unfamiliar people from the series “ugly, incomprehensible, primitive.” In life, they would think ten times before saying something unpleasant to a friend, but in networks it’s easy – it’s not so scary to lose a relationship, but there is a chance to assert themselves at the expense of the interlocutor.

Responsibility in virtual communication is generally much less than in person.

If we say unpleasant words to a person’s face, we know that there will be consequences: they will answer us, they will be offended at us, we will quarrel. In Internet communication, the feeling that we are crossing personal boundaries does not work. Therefore, in social networks much more often than in real communication, people are engaged in interpretations, give unsolicited advice: “Judging by your text, you have big problems in your personal life”, “It would be better if you went and read smart books …”

Thanks to social networks, virtual friends learn a lot about each other’s political views and religious beliefs. This causes discussions, disputes up to loud quarrels and breaks … Even the old, real, very real friendship cannot stand it.

There is a disengagement. But if you argue with a time-tested friend, your friendship will still be above these differences, above all differences. You can quarrel and not even communicate for a while, but this will not cancel everything that already exists between you.

You will still be close, because a piece of life passed together, closeness, germination into each other. Opinions may change, but relationships remain. But, of course, if there are really serious value differences behind the difference in assessments and positions, over time the distance will increase and the friendship will end.

Is it worth touching on sensitive topics?

There is no general rule, everyone can choose. Argue if you have the desire and strength, but do not aim to convince. Read different opinions, research, we don’t care to live together, we won’t be able to separate “according to positions”, we need to know and be able to hear each other, even if we disagree. It is unlikely that the tactic of “cleaning out the ranks” and leaving only like-minded people in your feed will hardly help.

Do not respond to the collision with resentment, especially if you have known the person for a long time. If you quarreled, cool down and make peace, return to what connected you – this is more important than the conflict. And the most important thing. Don’t cut off relationships. They are more important than positions and opinions. We are entering a zone of very strong turbulence, in which not a single friendly hand will be superfluous. No one needs to be written off.