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They live near us, but how often do we understand what they mean to us? What special meaning is filled with our desire to communicate with animals?
When we see a puppy on the street, who masters walking on a leash, waddling like a bear cub, or a squirrel, fearlessly grabbing seeds from someone’s palm and dashingly jumping from branch to branch, everything inside us blurs into a smile. We feel satisfied, as if we were filling some kind of deficit … but what?
Chip and Dale, help!
The city is not only the blessings of civilization, but also the unspoken rules that we follow: to be fast, hardy, not to waste on trifles, to manage our emotions for our own safety.
“However, obeying the requirements of the city, we often lose the ability to relax, enjoy, feel joy,” says body-oriented psychologist Olga Averina. “We lose the ability to hear our feelings, to observe something that interests us.”
And animals remind of this, clearly showing by their own example. We may not be aware that we are tired when we let animals into our lives: whether we go to feed the ducks in the park, we ask the owner for permission to pet a passing dog …
We need eight hugs a day to survive and twelve hugs a day for happiness and fulfillment, points out Virginia Satir.1, American family therapist. But quarantine has made us apprehensive about cuddling with others. And dogs and cats are “covid-safe”. No wonder we are drawn to them.
If you don’t have a dog…
Imagine a picture: we feed a pony with a child in a zoo. The rider-animator allowed me to give the beautiful little horse an apple. We bring a wide open palm with pieces of fruit and get goosebumps when the pony takes them from our hand with soft and slightly wet lips.
We experience many feelings at the same time: the pleasure of contact with an untamed little inner wildness, playfulness, power over our anxiety in front of the unfamiliar. And also attention to our own needs and desires, a thirst for life and energy, which we so often lack …
The opportunity to observe the habits of modest ducks in the city river, businesslike squirrels and even ordinary pigeons and crows allows us to slow down and find a little more inner peace. A smooth coat dog that allows itself to be stroked allows us to feel warmth in the literal and figurative sense, gives us the experience of acceptance and, metaphorically, that “everything in life can go smoothly.”
The roundness of the shape of the animal on an unconscious level reminds us of safety and those times when we were small and under maternal protection, the psychologist believes.
We are of the same blood!
The attitude of children towards animals is a separate planet. Sometimes adults can envy their ability to find a common language with the “mustache-striped”. How do they do it?
“Children who have not yet been “spoiled” by upbringing, to a greater extent than adults, show the ability to be surprised at simple things, life in any of its manifestations,” explains Olga Averina. “They are not afraid and do not hide from strong feelings, they live them.”
Children are inquisitive and curious, but they are not able to predict and control the consequences of meeting with an animal, and we, the elders, should take this into account. “We’re the same blood!” – we read in the eyes of a child enthusiastically climbing into the mouth of a dog.
But it would be nice if there was always a reasonable adult nearby who would teach him the “animal language”: on the one hand, he would instill respect for the living and an idea of the boundaries of interaction, on the other hand, he would not intimidate every living being with the potential danger.
Aggressive tenderness
When we see a charming puppy or kitten (or baby), we sometimes have a desire to squeeze and even bite him. A paradoxical reaction that surprises us is called “cute aggression” (eng. cute aggression), but despite the name, this behavior is completely safe and aggressive only in appearance: it does not hide the desire to harm the object of adoration, as the study of Katherine Stavropoulos showed. (Katherine Stavropulos) from the University of California.
This is how the mechanism of psychological defense against too strong positive experiences manifests itself (another example is tears of joy), it allows us not to drown in emotions, but to preserve the ability to take care of small creatures, which most often cause such a reaction.
hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/cute-aggression-study
Secret signs
Do animals need our tactile dependence on them? Successful interaction with them is based on mutual respect. Recall that dogs and cats living in nature do not need to squeeze. Here in monkeys (they are primates, like us), yes, they are, but in most tetrapods it is absent. More precisely, they need another version of it.
A dog, for example, likes to lie down and just lie down, feeling your side. The cat itself will come when it needs to be stroked. Or she will lie down with a rumbling at your head, but as soon as you start stroking her, she will choose the moment and run away.
Or like this: the owner comes home from work, the cat jumps into his lap, and he starts stroking her, relieving office stress. Relaxes, “feeds”. But the cat, if you look closely, twitches the tip of its tail, or the dog, which ran out to meet, froze near the mistress and desperately licks its lips.
What does it mean? Animals cannot get out of this situation, declare that they are unpleasant, uncomfortable. Pets can get stuck in such contact, but as soon as we give them a pause, they happily dissolve into space.
This shows our respect and attention to them: we can take into account that we may have different needs. We like one thing, and they, perhaps, another. “Don’t pet me, I came to lie next to me,” the cat might say, “I want to hide so our little boy won’t touch me.”
Therefore, it is useful not to ignore the feedback: the very trembling of the tail, the claws released … “Otherwise, it may happen that the cat stops coming up or, for example, begins to show aggression towards children (who squeezed it to horror) or adults. Attack, snarl, or, conversely, hide, ”warns Yulia Rozova, a specialist in the behavior of cats and dogs.
Animals with character
During the quarantine, the animals were at home with their owners, which is unusual for many of them. Let’s try to imagine their condition: they took them out for a walk, and then it turned out that everyone wants to touch them, stroke them.
The reaction is unpredictable: a cute puppy can snap, surprising the owner, who just said to a passing family: “Stroke, stroke, don’t be afraid, he doesn’t bite.” What are we to do, how to satisfy our tactile hunger, if we are not ready to have our own pets, and strangers are not too disposed towards us?
Zoopsychologist Daria Polyanskaya gives some advice: “To begin with, visit friends with domestic animals, visit a cat cafe, go to petting zoos, try yourself as an animal walker or take it for overexposure.”
dog etiquette
How to interact with others when we have a pet with us? Antonina Zimareva, training instructor and specialist in correcting problematic dog behavior, answers the questions of dog owners.
On a walk, passers-by reach out to pet my dog, the child tries to grab the dog by the side. How to behave?
There is no single rule, it all depends on the situation, your upbringing and sense of personal boundaries, on the behavior of the dog. I usually don’t allow pets to be touched and politely communicate this with “Please don’t touch the dog” or “Next time, please ask permission.”
But my pets in a public place are on a short leash and do not violate other people’s boundaries. If I am attracted to a child or an adult who asks to meet my dogs, I will not refuse, but pets can also indicate whether this stranger is cute to them.
A life hack for owners who are not ready to communicate with strangers and would like to avoid questions: order a sweatshirt for the dog “Beware of the evil mistress.” Another option for a radical answer: “No, you can’t stroke it, my dog has lichen.”
When is a muzzle worn? What should be in a bag-backpack of a dog walker?
A muzzle is as much a tool as a leash and any dog should be trained to use it, regardless of size or breed. In public places, it is better to always wear a muzzle, or at least have it with you and calmly, politely and quickly respond to requests from others and even non-verbal hints. I consider the phrase “Yes, she does not bite” the height of ignorance.
Always have with you: bags to clean up after your pet if necessary; snacks – to reinforce the right behavior. Wet wipes and a collapsible bowl and water bottle will also come in handy. In my opinion, the more politely dog owners behave in general, the more friendly attitude towards dogs we will receive.
At what age can a child walk a dog?
You can walk your dog from the age of 20-25. This is completely serious – and only if we are talking about a well-mannered dog and a “child” of a certain build. You should not provoke problems by sending your child for a walk with a big dog.
Is it possible to tie a dog near a store, a kindergarten?
In no case is it possible. This is a dangerous and nervous situation for the dog and those around him. Customers, parents, children may be frightened even if the animal is small.
Should a dog be allowed to swim in water bodies and be on the beach?
As of January 1, 2021, dogs are not allowed on beaches. If it’s an unorganized bathing area, you can use the first-come-first-serve rule. But if there are already visitors and bathers on the beach, ask their permission. And if it is possible to choose another entrance to the water, then it is better to use it.
Read more on Antonina Zimareva’s Instagram @doggy__bloggy
1 Virginia Satir You and your family. Guide to Personal Growth (Institute for Humanitarian Studies, 2015).