When parents grow old, and we grow older and wiser, our relationship with them also changes. Sharp corners are smoothed out, there is more understanding and a desire to become closer – and from both sides. How to build a warmer and soulful communication? Ask them these questions, and perhaps you will see mom or dad from an unusual side.
Perhaps your relationship has always been close. Or maybe you once quarreled, and the echo of conflicts is still “phoning” in communication with your parents. Be that as it may, they are no longer as strong and vigorous as they used to be.
Parents are getting old. And even if we did not notice this for a long time, at some point we find that they now depend on us to one degree or another. At the very least, they need our attention. How to improve communication? We have known mom or dad all our lives, and it seems that we know everything about them. And this is a big misconception.
Psychologist and career coach Marty Nemko offers a list of questions you can ask your parents. By doing this, you will give them pleasure – after all, everyone loves to talk about themselves. The conversation will bring you closer, you can hear a lot of interesting things. Perhaps their experience will be useful in your life – after all, an apple from an apple tree … And for sure you will learn something new about them.
What to ask your parents to make the conversation warm and sincere?
- Maybe about how they grew up? What were they like at school?
- What did they like and dislike the most at that time?
- What made them happy and what made them sad?
- Did they have best friends? How did their enemies behave?
- What relationship did they have with their parents?
- What did they dream about then?
- Were you like them when you were little?
- What decision made by them in life, they consider the most correct? What do you regret the most?
- Do they have any regrets about how their careers have turned out? And what does their personal life look like now?
- If they were 17 again, what would they do exactly the same as they did then? And what is different?
- If they were as old as you are now, what would they do the same as then? And what is different?
- What are they dreaming about now?
- What do they want to achieve in the coming years?
- Perhaps they want to give you some advice that they haven’t given you yet?
- Perhaps they want to tell you something that they have not had time to do yet?
Quite often people regret it. that they didn’t have time to talk about something with mom or dad. Write down grandma’s pie recipe. Find out who is depicted in the old photo and how great-grandfather met great-grandmother …
And if in your communication with your parents a lot of resources are taken up by helping with the housework or caring for their health, do not let household chores take up all the space between you.
Perhaps you think that the people in front of you raised you wrong. Perhaps if you were in their place, everything would be done differently. But most likely, they acted as best they could, as they could themselves. Maybe not everything was perfect in your relationship. But if now you are reaching out to each other and want to communicate, take the chance to make this communication warmer, kinder, more interesting for all of you.