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Most of us are used to hiding our pain points. We never want to appear vulnerable, because that would be a sign of our own weakness. Psychologist and shame researcher Brené Brown uses an example from his childhood to show how to turn vulnerability into strength.
“Recognizing your vulnerable points is a bold act. We must thoughtfully, consistently try not to equate vulnerability with weakness. My mother made this difficult job easier for me. She showed me that vulnerability can be strength. In the late 80s, Uncle Ronnie, my mother’s only brother, was killed in a brutal shootout. A few months after his death, my grandmother, in fact, died in a mental and emotional sense. She had been drinking for most of her life, and she did not have the strength to bear such a loss. She roamed the neighborhood for weeks, occasionally asking the neighbors if they had heard of Ronnie’s death.
One day, after the funeral service for my uncle, my mother simply could not stand it. Before that, I had seen her cry a couple of times, but so that she sobbed uncontrollably – this had not happened before. My sisters and I were frightened and also cried, we were afraid to see her like that.
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Finally I told her that we didn’t know what to do because we had never seen her “so weak”. She looked at us and answered gently but sternly: “I am not weak. I’m so strong you can’t even imagine. It just hurts a lot right now. If I were weak, I would have died already.”
In that split second, I realized that my mother is the strongest and bravest woman I know. She wasn’t just not afraid to be vulnerable; she let us know that being aware of your vulnerability is a brave act.”1.
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1 Brené Brown “It’s All Because of Me (But It’s Not)” (ABC Business, 2013).