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Consciously and regularly helping people means giving them your time, skills and resources. And to receive something significant in return: the meaning of life, the healing of spiritual wounds, the circle of associates. Regardless of what motivates us to become volunteers, we can benefit others without harming ourselves.
According to the Philanthropy Support Fund, every second adult citizen of Russia participates in charity. What explains this involvement? The answer is generally obvious: it has become easy to do good (sometimes it is enough to transfer a certain amount via SMS) and fashionable. And this fashion can not but rejoice. However, good intentions and good feelings are not enough for systematic help; rules are needed that will allow volunteers to take care of themselves and not be disappointed in their work.
Why we want to help
The desire to selflessly help is natural for us. Caring for each other allows us to survive despite wars, natural disasters and disease. Children very early learn to distinguish between good and evil and are drawn to those who show kindness, according to research psychologist and journalist Daniel Goleman. After one-year-old children were shown a cartoon where the triangle helped the circle to climb the hill, and the square, on the contrary, interfered, they more often reached for the “good” triangle. True, if parents do not reinforce such behavior, then later children are less likely to demonstrate altruistic impulses.
In general, only those who go beyond their own personality and “discover meaning in the outside world” can live a full life, according to Viktor Frankl, the creator of logotherapy. By dedicating ourselves to something greater than ourselves, we become happier, our life is filled with impressions and discoveries, we grow as a person. Moreover, such happiness is not threatened by hedonistic adaptation, says positive psychologist Sonya Lubomirsky.
The joy of buying a new thing (an apartment, a car) passes rather quickly, but the happiness that we have changed someone’s life, made the world a better place, is experienced more acutely and lasts much longer.
Toxic or environmental?
Charity in the form of donating property or money is unlikely to lead to emotional burnout, although it can end at any time due to a change in life circumstances. But volunteering requires psychological preparation.
A volunteer gives his time and resources to those who need it, he sees suffering, pain, grief, despair, he is constantly in contact with many people. Help can be professional, if the volunteer works as an educator, fundraiser or physician, and unskilled, but no less valuable – to babysit or hand out tickets at an event.
Charity is not sacrificing yourself for the sake of another and not trying to save the world alone
Burnout is most often caused by so-called toxic charity. For example, if we are always contacted in critical situations, they share soul-exhausting details, when, while providing assistance, we inevitably plunge into difficult thoughts, says Alexandra Babkina, head of the Dobro.mail.ru service. And vice versa, when we understand that we have become part of the changes, it fills us with joy, gives confidence that our life is full of meaning.
Who to rely on
It is impossible to be a volunteer and never get tired, not to experience negative emotions, experts assure. However, sincerity and a sensible assessment of one’s capabilities allow one to conserve strength and use resources efficiently. Volunteers highly appreciate the ability to work in a team.
“Certainly, one warrior in the field. But the support of like-minded people helps a lot. Sometimes inspiration ends, and it’s good if there are those who still have it: then we become infected with it, ”says Inna Pasechnik, a psychologist at the Volunteers to Help Orphans Foundation.
We are not superheroes, it is important for us to get feedback, see the result and understand why it is valuable to us
Another option is to turn to an experienced colleague or work in pairs all the time. “Sharing responsibilities and mutual support makes life easier for volunteers,” adds Inna Pasechnik. We do not always realize that someone is bad next to us. Therefore, it is good to have a safe space where everyone can offer their problem for discussion with other volunteers working on the same project. And sometimes you may need the help of a psychologist. “Most often this is due not so much to volunteer work as to personal problems,” says Yuri Belanovsky, head of the Danilovtsy volunteer movement.
Charity is not sacrificing oneself for the sake of another and not trying to save the world alone, as in Hollywood blockbusters. In life, such ambitions can lead to depression.
We are not superheroes, it is important for us to get feedback, see the result and understand why it is valuable to us. Then helping others will make our life fuller and richer.
How to avoid burnout? 4 Tips Based on the Experience of Volunteers
1. Establish sincere relationships. Becoming a volunteer without internal motivation is very risky, says Yuri Belanovsky. This activity is connected with people in trouble, and therefore affects us emotionally. Entering into personal relationships with those who suffer, we look into their eyes, call them by name, feel responsible for these relationships. If we do this insincerely, we risk falling into crisis and emptiness. The psychological position in relation to the wards is a very personal matter, emphasizes Yuri Belanovsky.
Many are not ready to be friends with those they help. “Maybe he is not a friend, but a companion for a couple of hours. Such a position should be a personal decision, it cannot be imposed.”
2. Set goals and mark the result. Regardless of whether we work with people or are engaged, for example, in fundraising, work brings us joy when we see the result, Inna Pasechnik is sure.
The problem is that it is always less than we would like: there are many unfortunate people, and everyone wants to help. The result may be obvious: they raised money – they helped the child. But it is equally important to set specific goals and measure the result against them. It is pointless to try to heal the terminally ill, but you can always change the way the patient feels or make the other person a little happier with small actions.
3. Soberly evaluate resources. Understanding how much time we are willing to give to others and what exactly we want to do helps to build boundaries.
It is important to tell yourself in time: “Stop!” For example, an experienced driver can calmly say that he is not ready to carry someone, but will be happy to help in another way. This is how he builds boundaries, preserving his inner resource, his freedom to help in any way he considers possible. Another important point is awareness of personal position. If we are talking about a hospital, an orphanage or a nursing home, the volunteer must understand that he is built into the overall process.
4. Be kind to yourself. Specialists in helping professions sooner or later face cooling, getting used to the process, and sometimes emotional exhaustion. Volunteers rarely reach the deep stage of burnout, but the initial stages are possible, when fatigue accumulates, a desire to quit everything arises. You need to pay attention to these feelings. If indifference or even rejection appears, it is worth taking a break, disconnecting, perhaps taking a break.
“There may be different emotional reactions, because we are talking about communication,” explains Yuri Belanovsky. – The question is how to relate to this, whose help to use, how to build boundaries, save time for yourself. If solutions are found, difficulties will become an incentive for development. Even someone who has decided that this is not his path will be able to know himself better.