Vertical and horizontal family. Does a family need a vertical of power?

â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹

From a letter from a wise reader:

“A man is always right, if it seems to you that a man is wrong, this is not your man! Marrying is the smartest of those that you know … There are two points — he is already the most (which means he is singled out by a girl) and if he is smart, he will always be right (otherwise you made a mistake and chose the wrong one).

It is clear that there are other points of view. How will be correct?

If we do not consider the child-centric family, where the interests (or whims) of the child dominate, then the two main models of the family are the vertical family and the horizontal family. The vertical family is primarily a traditional patriarchal family, where a man, a husband, is at the head of the family. The vertical model of the family is opposed by its horizontal structure, a family with partnerships, where all issues are resolved by discussion on an equal footing and there is no question of anyone’s personal power.

In a good family, power is strong, but not noticeable. The more civilized people are, the more laws live inside them, the less family members need external power to regulate relations between them. The more problematic the family, the more often there is a struggle for power in it. Unfortunately, the question of power is one of the most acute in the modern family, regardless of its structure. And in a vertical family there can be a struggle for power, if a woman does not agree with the dominance of a man, and in a horizontal family, open skirmishes are not uncommon, if it seems to one of the spouses that the other (other) begins to dominate and the discussion of any issue is not completely equally.

Which of these family models is better, more correct: vertical or horizontal? Family hierarchy or partnerships? We can say two things for sure:

• Neither one nor the other family model can be considered the only correct one, each of them has its pros and cons.
  
• The main thing is the consent of the spouses. If a man is set to the role of the head of the family and the woman is satisfied with this, they are all right. If he and she are committed to partnerships, they will also succeed. If a couple has different views on the structure of the family, then they are out of luck …

Important: the vertical or horizontal structure of the family still does not say anything about how small everyday issues will be resolved. Here in a familiar family — the husband is a general, the wife is a housewife. His word is the law, while most of the current issues around the house are decided by his wife. Why? Because it is so convenient for her and completely satisfied with him. It is reasonable! In any power structure, it is good for each member of the family to be in charge of some area in which he is more inclined or better able to cope with it than others.

For example, the wife keeps on herself all negotiations with relatives and the kitchen, the husband — finances and the general rules of the family. When everyone in the family is busy with what he can and loves, it does not matter who is the boss in the house.

It is not so important whether there is a head of the family in this family or whether all issues are resolved on an equal footing, something else is much more important: that this issue of power should be resolved after all. It is important that all disagreements in this area go away, so that everyone gets used to some kind of system for resolving issues, so that everything suits everyone in the matter of decision-making in this family. In the question of power in the family, there must be certainty: no matter what, but — certainty.

The certainty of power in a vertical family is the firm power of the husband, which is recognized and supported by all family members. The certainty of power in a horizontal family is the balance of power and the ability of each spouse to return equality to family relations.

Certainty with power in the family is the basis of the strength of the family. When the issue of power in the family is somehow resolved and is not the subject of a showdown, everyone in the family is calmer. This is important for the spouses themselves, and even more important for the children.

“A clear family hierarchy determines the psychological well-being of the family in the family triad. In the personal profile of children brought up in a situation of a clear family hierarchy, which characterizes intra-family interaction in the parent-child triad, there are no signs of intrapersonal contradictions. In families with a confused family hierarchy, the child shows signs of intrapersonal contradictions, which is a sign of a deviation in the psychological well-being of the family. I.Yu. Khitrina, dissertation.