Variety of manipulations

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Manipulations are as varied as life itself. Manipulations can be both sincere and not, of varying degrees of awareness and not necessarily hidden. Manipulation can be directed both at the consciousness (restriction of information, selectivity of information, negative information, lies) and at the subconscious, you can manipulate both others and yourself. See →

Manipulation and sincerity

Sincerity in relationships reduces manipulation, but does not eliminate them. See Sincerity and Manipulation

Manipulation, intentionality and awareness

Manipulation, as an impact, is always intentional, always pursuing some goal, but this intention is not always conscious, not always intentional.

“I know that I often get offended in order to load my partner with guilt and get some bonuses from the guilty one. My mother taught me this, I practiced the technique on her. However, if you ask me about my resentment, then the first thing I will say will be: «Why is he …». In front of me, I can confess my intention, although not at the first moment ”- this is an example of the manipulation of unconscious intention.

Many people are convinced that they are not manipulating, just because they are inattentive and not used to paying attention to the little things in their behavior and communication.

For example, there is a serious discussion going on, and your opponent did not answer your objection, but clung to the little things, joked or commented ironically, switching his attention to something else. Strictly speaking, this is manipulation, the calculation of which is that you do not want to be a bore and will no longer insist on your objection. Is this manipulation intentional? Yes, although such things are usually done unconsciously, rather out of habit.

Most likely, you often do the same yourself. Perhaps you are not doing this intentionally, but sincerely, from the heart — but what difference does it make?

«I wasn’t manipulating, I was just joking!» (option: «I just disagree, I just expressed my opinion, I’m just outraged» — and so on). Of course, a person wanted to joke and joked, and this is normal and great, but in parallel, with the same joke, a hidden psychological impact was also made with a fairly obvious intention … Also, if, for example, an indignant person does not understand well what he is doing, the essence of the matter this does not change: a drunk person also does not understand what he is doing, but for the court his alcohol intoxication is not an excuse, but an additional aggravating circumstance. If you stop thinking when you are indignant, then do not be indignant.

“I didn’t manipulate, because I didn’t have such a goal and such an intention, by God!” Possibly, but it’s not yet an indicator. A person does a lot of things unconsciously, and what is obvious from the outside, the person himself may not notice in his behavior. It is difficult, if not impossible, to objectively convict a person in this case, but responsible and honest people in such cases do not deny, but are interested in how their communication looked from the outside: “Was everything honest?”

Undisguised manipulation

In addition to hidden, open, undisguised manipulations are not uncommon.

Typical open manipulation is hysteria. The one who arranges a tantrum counts on the fact that they will not remain indifferent to it. Namely, either others will feel sorry for the crying so bitterly, or they don’t want to hear such a sharp cry, or it’s inconvenient to be a participant in such a wild performance in front of others. There is nothing hidden here: the one who throws tantrums often warns about it himself.

Another class of open manipulation is the manipulation of strong desires, such as sexual desire. If a person cannot cope with his strong attraction, and it is in your power to “give or not give” what another needs so much, then there are all the conditions for open, undisguised manipulation.

Jones complains that he is the target of regular manipulative attempts by his wife. Here is a typical example. He was going to go to the weekly poker game. It was at this moment that the wife appeared in a translucent shirt in a seductive pose, playing with buttons. Jones protested: he didn’t want to be seduced right now — then he would miss the game. Jones believes that his wife is not really interested in sex at all. Although he had been especially busy the last two weeks and came home late, the frequency of sexual encounters was higher than usual. He accused her of trying to manipulate him into leaving him at home. The wife agreed with him, adding that she knew as well as Jones how often they had sex lately, and that they both knew equally well why they were doing it.

This is an open play on the weaknesses of the other, an impact on deep emotions, when the influence occurs even when everything is very clear to everyone.

Open manipulation is an influence on the subconscious, which reflexively acts against our will and desires. See →

Professional manipulations

In those areas of life where such purposeful psychological influences are accepted, “legalized” (in detective work, in intelligence, in the practice of political technologies, in advertising and negotiations, in flirting, in psychotherapeutic activity), the same actions are no longer called manipulations, but «professionalism». See professional manipulation

Goals of manipulation

As a rule, people are accustomed to calling manipulation something negative, something directed necessarily against the interests of a communication partner. True, this usually happens, but this does not describe the whole variety of human relationships.

Manipulation between strangers and people who are selfishly related to each other primarily pursues negative goals. If people are friendly to each other, the more they love each other, they have a choice: sometime (and as a rule) they can use direct and open methods of influence, and sometime influences will turn out to be more convenient and convenient for both sides. hidden: positive manipulation. See Targets of Manipulation

Mechanism and methods of manipulation

Like any effective influence, manipulation uses three main influence strategies:

• bribe,
• pressure (power solutions),
• building a situation (attention management, deception, involvement, automatic reactions). See Manipulative Influence and Mechanism of Manipulation​​​​​​​​