Value Adjustment
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» Someone, let’s say, with a developed ear, practices the richest tuning in voice, rhythm — and, automatically, in breathing, but you can’t do that (yet).
And for you, perhaps the best option would be an adjustment in values, especially since a well-executed adjustment in values tunes you to the tone of the interlocutor, almost automatically makes both the inner rhythm and mood similar, and after them both the voice and breathing adjust themselves, and , hence the body.
Values are what a person believes in the unconditional importance of, what he lives for, what he strives for and what guides him in his choices. Other things being equal, people with similar personal values sympathize with each other. The similarity of personal values, the coincidence of the main life values strengthens the relationship of people, the discrepancy or conflict of values puts the relationship at risk.
Sometimes a person’s value orientations can be expressed in one or two characteristic words, more often it is a fairly wide range of beliefs framed by a certain philosophy and provided with the appropriate technology of life. Figuratively, it looks like a train, where behind the leading words (marks, labels of value) there is a tail of words and concepts that are often (probably) associated with them: the value circle of a person.
A person’s values are not something separate and alien to him, they are part of his life and soul, and if you run into his values, you run into him personally. Well-mannered people respect the values of another person and do not needlessly offend them. Neither ridicule nor objections to a person’s value beliefs should be allowed without an urgent need. Objections, especially «right away», will not change a person’s values, but will put you on opposite sides of the barricades. His values may seem like completely baseless nonsense to you, but the best thing you can do is leave them as they are and show respect for them.
How to understand and hear that something is a value for a person? Watch and listen. When pronouncing their value flags, a person, as a rule, opens his expressive eyes wide, but if this is not typical for this type, listen to intonations: favorite “chips” are always distinguished by pauses or intonation. Ask value-oriented questions. There are quite a few, maybe in passing, questions “why?” and “for what purpose?” so that you hear the keywords, labels of the partner’s values. Knowing the key words, it is usually easy to «calculate» the traditional value circle associated with it. Having some experience, it is possible with a high probability to predict the semantic chain that stretches for the leading value word.
Smart people perform value adjustments to communicate more effectively. Speaking about what is important to a person, you should, if possible, speak the same language as your partner. Then with someone the key words will be “finance”, “order” and “decency”, and with someone “cool”, “high” and “fun”.
Partner values are not something that opposes you, they are something that you can use with great convenience. If you want your judgments to have more weight, tie them to your partner’s values, put your thoughts on them, justify your ideas with them.