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Hello dear blog readers! Tell me, which of you would not like to feel power over another person, influencing his actions and even thoughts? Beckon, seduce and keep in anticipation of when, finally, decide to pay attention to him?
This is easy to achieve, since there is a technique closer to further. Everyone will be able to master it, because it does not provide any secret knowledge and special skills. It is only important to follow the algorithm of behavior and you will succeed.
Instructions
The feeling of power arises due to the fact that the person, in relation to which this type of manipulation is applied, has a lot of tension. Since all thoughts are occupied by the person who made her languish in anticipation and suffer in conjectures about what is happening in general. As they say, she has a “break of patterns” due to the unpredictability of events, and sometimes their illogicality.
So, the behavior algorithm:
- The first step is to get close to the potential “victim”. That is, to establish contact and arouse her interest in his person. In the course are jokes that win over and inspire confidence. Smiling also reduces anxiety levels. Light flirting is intriguing, which makes you want to continue communication. In general, the methods are different for everyone, use your own abilities and tricks that probably work.
- When sympathy is successfully formed, suddenly move away. Do not answer calls, cancel the meeting, be pointedly cold during the conversation. The partner will certainly wish to return your location. He will want to feel loved again, meaningful, interesting, attractive. In general, the way it was before you changed your tactics of behavior.
- It is not worth holding on to tension for a long time, otherwise your “victim” may come to the conclusion that it is better for her to do without you and your company. Well, at least calmer. But keep in mind that a portion of attention should be dosed. Not in the volume that was originally issued. You should not allow yourself to completely relax, otherwise you will lose control. And so a person will always be, as they say, «on a short leash», without allowing himself liberties.
Who uses this technique more often?
With a man, similar situations happen more often when he is manipulated. If only because women have a similar style of behavior occurs at a subconscious level. They do not need special training and education. As if from generation to generation, knowledge is passed on how to get what you want from the opposite sex.
For them, such a game is a natural manifestation of flirting. It is clear that not every girl uses the “closer-further” method, but at least once in her life, albeit unconsciously, she tried it.
A man likes to feel like a conqueror and conqueror. He is more active in relationships. If only because in modern society it is not particularly customary to take the initiative of the beautiful half of humanity. Many women struggle with this stereotype. But still, the number of those who prefer to act in a veiled way still prevails.
By the way, guys often also use this technique. Well, who doesn’t know stories about how he suddenly disappeared and stopped answering calls, although everything was so beautiful and nothing foreshadowed trouble? Basically, this happens after intimacy, which forms the idea that only sex is important for the stronger sex.
But most often this is what pickup artists do. People whose main goal is seduction. They care about quantity, not quality, developing the skill of communication, management and submission to their will using various techniques. So to speak, honing skills.
Where to use?
When feelings are cold
It’s no secret that couples do not always manage to maintain passion and interest in each other after a large number of years spent together. When the actions, words and even the smile of a loved one is easy to predict. He becomes both familiar and painfully familiar, which is why the excitement, interest, and excitement disappear.
And then the “closer-further” method can help to breathe new life into the relationship. It is only important to be careful not to destroy them at all.
Just imagine, the partner does not expect any surprises, relaxed and can even allow himself something superfluous, not particularly acceptable to you, being convinced that you will not get away from him anywhere. And here is a completely new turn of events. Which causes, at least bewilderment and a desire to understand the situation.
Have you heard the expression that a person begins to appreciate something only after a loss? Unfortunately, it is true, we often do not attach importance to important events in life, people.
For example, we breathe without thinking about the process or the significance of each inhalation and exhalation. But as soon as we cut off the access of oxygen, the only thing we want is to be able to breathe freely again, as before.
In business
It is difficult to run a business without using tricks that help influence the minds of others. Moreover, achieve success.
If you show the client that you are very interested in him, you can lose him, as he will feel his importance and go in search of better offers. If you are defiantly not interested in him, it will happen too, only he will be guided by other motives.
And if you apply the “closer-further” manipulation, you may well get the expected result.
For example, imagine that you decide to buy a car. Showed initiative, met with the owner to inspect the car. Admiringly admire her condition, tell how well he looked after her. And then at the end you say that the price is too high, why you will not buy it, no matter how much you like it. Say goodbye and leave.
Most likely, he will call you back and offer a price much lower than originally indicated. But this is a risk, especially if the price suits you in principle.
When meeting
For some individuals, it is important to feel like a hunter, a conqueror. Regardless of gender. Therefore, at the initial stage, when people just met, this method can come in handy. It will help draw attention to yourself, get closer. No matter how paradoxical it may sound.
Imagine that you were lucky enough to meet the girl or guy of your dreams. But the object of your adoration does not pay much attention to you. If only because there are still a lot of such fans.
And your behavior, which is different from the rest, will hook. She or he will want to check and find out what happened, why you suddenly stopped giving compliments and giving admiring glances.
They will try to win you back. And this means that there is a high probability of convergence during this period. You will get to know each other better, form an attachment, and you never know what other feelings will arise.
How to resist?
Why do you think a person uses manipulation in contact with another? Because he can’t say anything directly, either because he doesn’t want to seem vulnerable, or because he keeps the image of a tough guy or girl. Maybe he doesn’t know other ways to build contact, especially a healthy one. Or in general, he likes to play with the feelings of others, thus increasing self-esteem.
In general, no matter what the true motives of those who use the «near-farther» technique, it is important for you to know how to protect yourself and maintain peace of mind.
Ignoring
Suitable if the person is unfamiliar to you and not particularly dear. I think you yourself understand that it is difficult to build a long-term and happy relationship with someone who prefers to set traps, instead of talking openly with a partner.
Therefore, if at the beginning of your acquaintance you noticed that they are trying to influence you and subjugate you to your will, think about whether you are ready for this and whether you need a game at all. And if not, feel free to stop it.
Although, before burning bridges, ask directly if he is trying to manipulate you on purpose, and why he needs it at all. In any case, you will have nothing to lose, and so there is a chance that this person, being exposed, will open up to you and stop playing, disguising himself.
Mindfulness
Personality can be controlled only in one case — if it allows it. That is, instead of arguing about what a bad partner is and how ugly he behaves, try to feel that the responsibility for your life lies only with you.
As long as you let others mistreat you, they won’t stop. So stand up for your boundaries and firmly suppress attempts to violate them.
Are they trying to lower your self-esteem, hurt you? No need to endure and think that you deserve such treatment. You have every right not to communicate with those who are trying to destroy you, to subdue you. But only you can give yourself that right. When you begin to appreciate your own personality, then you will not allow yourself to be treated rudely.
Feelings
If you love someone who tries various NLP techniques on you, talk to him about how you feel at that moment. It is possible that he will not hear you, but then you will understand that at least you tried to get through to him. And so you will have a chance that you will be able to change the relationship for the better, making them closer and more open.
You can simply ask: “Why are you doing this?”, “Why are you telling me this?”, “Why are you treating me like this?”. Or say that it hurts you when he does this and that. And you don’t understand why he needs it. Or that you are upset, angry, and then you don’t want to see him, although there are still warm feelings.
In general, be sensitive to yourself. Understanding what is happening to you and declaring this to your partner, you will develop, gradually move forward, becoming a more mature person.
Completion
Be careful in applying NLP techniques, listen to your own feelings and always act consciously, understanding the true reason for your impulses.
You can find out more information about other ways and methods of manipulation if you follow this link. Good luck and accomplishments!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina