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Are you in a hurry to share fascinating stories from your life with the first person you meet? Or do you undertake to give advice to a new acquaintance when he did not ask you about it? Some topics are better not to bring up in a conversation – even if you are asked. And that’s why.
Humans are social creatures, which is why we love making new friends, sharing advice, and offering help. But often our desire to keep the conversation going or give valuable advice can backfire. We are talking about cases when we overestimate the closeness of communication and violate personal boundaries, indulging in reflections on topics that are uninteresting or boring to our interlocutor. So when is the best time to keep your mouth shut?
What is better never to talk about
About other people’s children
Never discuss other people’s children – only if their parents themselves started this conversation. And even then, it’s very risky. And certainly never do this if you do not have children yourself.
About privacy
Don’t go into a long story about your magical vacation, your busy love life, your kitchen remodel, or your boss’s new intrigues. There is no faster way to clear a room of people at a party.
About past relationships
Don’t share past relationship details with your current partner, even if they ask. Change the subject.
About my dreams
Restrain the impulse to tell the company about what you dreamed about yesterday. Especially if it sounds like this: “Today I had a bad dream…”
About someone else’s work
Do not exclaim joyfully when you find out that the person introduced to you is a lawyer or a doctor. Believe me, they already know how it will end: you will start telling them about your problems, sincerely believing that they will take it as a valuable experience in their own professional piggy bank …
About creative activity
Are you going to give an aspiring writer feedback on his new book? Do not do this. And don’t send in your stories and manuscripts without warning. Most likely, they will go to the trash. Or, conversely, people will feel obligated to write a review – which will most often hide a very thinly disguised mockery.
The same applies to flash drives and storage media filled with music you’ve written or pictures you’ve taken. Wait to be asked, or prepare for the consequences you may not like.
How to answer questions correctly
The most dangerous thing is to answer questions that you have not been asked at all. Before you start talking, stop and think: what exactly do all these people want to hear from me? What are they waiting for, what do they really need?
Reassure, encourage, provoke, give hope or finally tell the truth? This rule works both in personal communication and in communication with the whole world.
About the author: Janet Bertholus is a blogger.