Ekaterina Mikhailova read for us the book by Anat Garari “The Birth of a Grandmother. When a daughter becomes a mother.
“When I am a grandmother — in ten years — a whimsical, amusing person, — a whirlwind from head to toe …” In his youth, Tsvetaeva’s lines seem so mischievous, and then what? Then — life.
The painful discrepancy between expectations and reality makes you think, feel and act in a new way. That is, in a way that we still don’t know how to do. You have to be born more than once or twice: “when a daughter becomes a mother” is not the first rebirth in the life of an adult woman, but no less painful. Anat Garari, an Israeli psychologist, organized a support group for «grandmothers to be born» and described the meetings of this group in a book. Gave us a rare opportunity to understand what adult daughters and their mothers really feel when their connections — previous and new ones — flash in a particularly bright light. The relationship of close women is a real minefield, and it is almost impossible to directly perceive these feelings and plots. In this case, alien “decorations” and translation help, sometimes turning spontaneous oral speech into too correct, creating a distance. Energetic and passionately devoted to the family of Israeli grandmothers, much is different. The cult of motherhood is obvious here, each member of the group has several children and grandchildren, despite the fact that they are also busy with a career. Feelings associated with the family are considered to be not just important, but almost sacred (that’s why the difficulties, because these feelings are always not what they are «commonly considered»). In conversations, either the army experience of daughters is mentioned, or memories of the times of the “Doomsday War” … But with all the differences, much is painfully recognizable. What? I quote. “I’m afraid that I don’t want to be a grandmother, but a mother, you know? I want my granddaughter to do exactly what I see fit.” “Everyone asks me how my daughter is, and after giving birth, they will probably ask how my grandson is … No one is interested in what is happening to me.” For readers for whom these complex and almost never discussed feelings are really important, the book will comfort and warm. Professionals should read it as an example of interesting group dynamics and a consistent leadership position.
… Saying goodbye to the grandmother who raised me in the hospital, I held her hand. The hand was lifelong familiar. Probably, holding on to her, I once learned to walk, I don’t remember. But I remember how we circled our palms with a blue pencil. And hundreds of other situations — up to this very moment, when it’s time to separate our hands. Grandma was ninety-three. And I don’t know my mother’s hand well by touch: in my childhood, we didn’t particularly hold hands. Years later, we had the opportunity to fight, and make peace, and learn to appreciate each other’s company. As stated in «The Birth of a Grandmother» — «we all fix something.» A very bright and bold book.