Contents
Some people know from childhood what they will do for the rest of their lives. It is amazing how little musicians, doctors, athletes are confident in their abilities, active in the fulfillment of their desire. Where does this passion come from?
Basic Ideas
- Some children feel a vocation in themselves as an inner call that steadily leads them to the goal.
- In order for the talent to be revealed, the child needs the attention and support of adults.
- If talent cannot be explained either by upbringing or genetics, perhaps it is inherent in each of us even before birth?
St. Petersburg, 1889. An eight-year-old girl lives with her mother, who barely makes ends meet. But on major holidays, he tries to give his daughter a gift. One day she took her to the Mariinsky Theatre. They gave Sleeping Beauty. “From the very first sounds of the orchestra, I became silent and trembled all over, feeling the breath of beauty for the first time… This evening determined my fate forever,” the great ballerina Anna Pavlova* would later write.
There are such destinies in which a special mission seems to be concluded. And such children, in whom the sprout of a real vocation is just waiting for the moment to reveal itself. It’s as if they’re “programmed” to do something, accomplish some task, and create a finished product out of their lives. Speaking about the passionate desire to become someone, most often we remember child musicians, child prodigies who, like Mozart, begin to perform professionally on stage from the age of 5-6. But early interest is shown not only to art. Anything can turn out to be an object of passion – science, sports, crafts … How does this mysterious call arise? We asked experts to comment on children’s confessions.
Gift of inheritance
Sometimes children in musical, acting, medical or teaching dynasties seem to know from birth what they will become. And it seems that their choice is predetermined by the family in which they were born. “A child can really inherit some abilities, such as absolute pitch, mathematical or motor talent,” explains psychophysiologist Vadim Rotenberg. “But, of course, there is no gene for an architect, doctor, or film director.” The desire to become them arises due to the atmosphere in the family, the enthusiasm of parents for their profession. “Parents influence the interests of the child, even without doing it on purpose,” continues Vadim Rotenberg. “Children have a strong need to imitate. The child “tryes on” the profession of mom or dad and stays in it if he likes it. But not everyone was lucky enough to grow up surrounded by talented adults, and not all parents managed to realize their dream. Instead of listening to what the child wants, giving him the freedom to do what he likes, not to interfere in his inventions, or, conversely, to actively help (if the son or daughter asks for it), some parents impose their own desires on the children. “Mom, when I grow up, I will be a boxer!” – “A boxer? And forget to think! You will become an excellent doctor, like your father.” At that age (4-6 years), when the child is not afraid to openly talk about his dreams, he may face a negative reaction from his parents and give up his true desires.
Success is inspiring
“Children’s enthusiasm is also influenced by the type of thinking that they gradually develop,” continues Vadim Rotenberg. – Children with predominantly imaginative thinking are more likely to be involved in artistic creativity – music, painting, literature. Those who are dominated by logical thinking feel more confident in solving technical problems.” And from the very first steps in those areas where these abilities are needed, interest will be fueled by success – everyone likes to do what they do well. Due to the coincidence of several factors – predisposition, first successes, support (or at least benevolent neutrality) of adults – the child gets the feeling that this is really his business.
intimate experience
And yet, you see, it is difficult to explain just these reasons for Anya Pavlova’s sudden passionate desire to become a ballerina. Once seen a performance, a chance meeting or a book read can suddenly and forever change fate. A child has a dream, which gradually becomes a life goal and attracts him so strongly that his entire future path obeys this call.
“Children are emotional and very sensitive to everything that happens around,” explains psychologist Julia Gippenreiter. – Among the special impressions of childhood, there are those that are marked by vivid experiences of excitement, delight, surprise. It is in such wonderful moments of fascination that the child discovers something important for himself, something very “own” **. These strongest emotional experiences become his innermost experience, which not every child dares to entrust to adults. Such moments happen more often when he is left to himself, is in a state that Julia Gippenreiter calls minutes of quiet concentration.
His discoveries are experienced by the child as something that is directly related to him, something that is a very important part of him and resonates with his feelings and thoughts. And only then, gradually, a clearer understanding of your dreams, your calling arises. This is exactly what happened to the eminent scientist Konrad Lorenz as a child. At the end of summer, during his daily walk, running ahead of his mother and aunt, he suddenly heard strange metallic sounds: a flock of wild geese was flying high in the sky. Lorenz later described this event as follows: “I wanted to go after them. I was filled with a romantic wanderlust that made my heart burst. And for the first time – this I know for sure – a desire arose in me to express myself creatively. Konrad Lorenz became an ethologist, made some remarkable discoveries, and at the age of 70 was awarded the Nobel Prize. But children’s hobbies, seemingly chosen once and for all, can change. It seems that only yesterday the son was going to become a doctor, and now he is already preparing to become a pilot, or the daughter dreamed of becoming a figure skater, but for some reason refuses to learn to skate … So, the choice has not yet been made. Children who have truly found their calling do what they love tirelessly. “They strive for him, sometimes against the circumstances or the will of their parents. Such an almost obsessive craving is one of the most striking signs of an early vocation, ”explains Yulia Gippenreiter. The more passionate the child is, the more clearly he feels and defends his path. And the more he needs the understanding of his parents – he needs a cultural environment from which he could draw new impressions. And adults can create it.
Weakness Compensation
Alfred Adler, a student of Freud and the founder of individual psychology, explained the strength of the child’s passion and enthusiasm by the irresistible desire of growing children to cope with their own inferiority ****. Each of us begins life in a state of physical and psychological dependence on other people. As we get older, we become aware of our abilities and shortcomings. We try to compensate for imperfection by unconsciously creating a life style and choosing ways of behavior. And we achieve a certain goal, whether it is the desire to adapt, to achieve perfection, or to secure ourselves.
Adler believed that each of us from a very early age has the ability to focus on our vulnerabilities and find internal resources to compensate for them. Apparently, this is true, if we recall Demosthenes, a stutterer with a quiet voice, who became an outstanding orator of ancient Greece. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger, a weak sickly child who worked on himself until he became the one we all know very well. Alfred Adler’s theory explains this psychological mechanism, but does not explain the passionate childhood passion, an inner call that seems to be something more than thinking about compensation for an inferiority complex, about “innate” and “acquired.”
Hidden code of fate
Perhaps that is why psychotherapist and philosopher James Hillman argues that even before birth, each of us carries the image of our personality and our destiny … and after birth we simply forget about our destiny: “Vocation is the essence of human life, and all its vicissitudes, including experiences and illnesses, contribute to its development”*****. We often hear today: “It’s never too late to…” But how do you know your purpose? First of all, realizing that the inclination towards something in general corresponds to our true life plan. Our childhood dreams and desires reflect the abilities that are inherent in us. As Herman Melville, the author of Moby Dick, wrote for himself on a piece of paper found after his death in a secret drawer of his desk: “Stay true to the dreams of your youth.”
* V. Dandre “Anna Pavlova. Life and Legend” (Vita Nova, 2003).
** See more Yu. Gippenreiter “We continue to communicate with the child. So?”, “For parents: how to be a child” (AST, 2008, 2010).
*** K. Lorenz “The Year of the Gray Goose” (Mir, 1984).
**** A. Adler “Essays on Individual Psychology” (Cogito Center, 2002).
***** J. Hillman “The Soul’s Code: On Character and Calling” (Random House, 1996); D. Hillman, Archetypal Psychology (Cogito Center, 2006).