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Their appearance is far from ideal, but they win the hearts of the most beautiful women. What is the reason for the irresistible charm of these men?
They win the hearts of the most beautiful women, although their appearance violates the generally accepted standards of beauty. The secrets of a truly masculine charm … which can be learned.
“Grey appearance – no height, no muscles! – recalls 32-year-old Nikolai with a smile. – Today for me it is no longer a complex, I just state: from childhood I was no. At school, I only dreamed of romance with girls: at best, they could chat with me about something, like with a girlfriend, but they didn’t notice at all.
Nikolay suffered terribly from what he considered his shortcoming, and did a lot to overcome it … although his appearance was only ordinary.
“Nature creates many different physical types: in this diversity is the guarantee of the survival of mankind as a biological species,” recalls anthropologist Marina Butovskaya. However, for those who do not have the features of Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt, today it is easy to doubt yourself. Advertising and fashion broadcast an idealized image of a man – young, with an athletic build and a sexy body, and thereby automatically classify anyone who does not meet this standard as ugly.
And yet the main assessment of male attractiveness remains the attention of women. Whose side are their sympathies really on?
Beauty and the Beast
In this love story, there is nothing offensive for its heroes. The Russian “Scarlet Flower” or the European “Beauty and the Beast” – it is especially easy to be convinced of the veracity of a fairy tale when famous people become its characters in life. One of the most striking examples in history is Alexander Pushkin, who called himself “a real monkey face” *, but managed to charm the most beautiful of his contemporaries.
Or the singer Serge Gainsbourg, whose appearance is no easier to describe than to explain why at different times Brigitte Bardot, Catherine Deneuve, Jane Birkin and many other beauties became his lovers. The conqueror of women’s hearts Vladimir Basov, the idol of the era Vladimir Vysotsky, the star of Lenkom Nikolai Karachentsov …
But there are still such figures as Woody Allen and Adriano Celentano, Jean-Paul Belmondo and Gerard Depardieu! It makes no sense to compare either the number of their merits or the number of fans, one thing is obvious: neither one nor the other has anything to do with an ideal appearance.
He sees, she hears
So why are these “ugly men” so irresistible? Maybe physical imperfections – non-standard height and figure, wrong features, non-Hollywood smile – just attract women?
“No, it’s not,” says psychologist Serge Tribole. – Here we can only once again make sure that Oscar Wilde was right: if men fall in love with their eyes, then women fall in love with their ears. A man perceives visual images, the canons of female beauty are important to him – a figure, sensual forms, enchanting eyes … And a woman, first of all, seeks to find protection and support in a man, and therefore his ability to behave, his voice, look will be more important for her.
A woman does not “see” a man, but with all her feelings she looks for something in him that will prove to her the strength of his character.
“Terrible on the face” seductive men are well aware of the trump cards that help them make up for the mistakes of mother nature. For example, hearing is that “channel of sensory communication” that women especially trust, according to Philippe Breno, a family therapist.
“A woman needs to hear. If the Beast knows this, all he can do is approach her and charm Beauty with voice inflections, words, and intellect. A brilliance of wit will make up for imperfections in facial features.
The allure of power
Men and women are attracted to each other in different ways. One “scans” a woman’s appearance, unconsciously wondering if the chosen one will bring healthy and abundant offspring, the other evaluates the man’s ability to provide her and her children with safety. And not the last role in this is played by his self-confidence – confidence, which gives rise to a feeling of strength and power.
“I realized that even the most inaccessible girl can become mine, the main thing is not to be ashamed of yourself,” Nikolai shares his secrets. – Paradoxically, my unsightly appearance at the same time becomes an additional plus. After all, it’s not difficult for a handsome man to be self-confident, but if someone like me doesn’t have complexes about appearance, then this is at least intriguing for a woman: what is there in me that I don’t doubt myself? And from curiosity to sympathy is one step.
Women’s sympathies have another unconscious motive – the charm of power. “We will say that an ugly man who leads a beautiful woman by the arm must have succeeded socially,” reflects andrologist Sylvain Mimoun. – It’s the leader of the pack. And in the eyes of a woman, the “leader” is always more interesting, because he awakens in her an archaic sense of security. In addition, such a man allows her to realize her childhood fantasy of omnipotence: with the power of her love, Beauty transforms the Beast, turning him into a handsome Prince! On the other hand, a woman often feels the social possibilities of her beauty: by connecting with an ugly man, she shares his status and thereby reinforces their common importance as a couple in the eyes of other people.
Canons change
Every culture has its own idea of beauty. Since ancient times, artists have been looking for the formula of beauty. The ancient art theorist Polykleitos at the end of the 1th century. BC e. wrote the treatise “Canon”, based on the Pythagorean theory of golden division (the whole refers to the larger part, as the larger to the smaller) and sculpted the Spearman as a role model (the distance from the crown to the chin was 7/1 of the body length, the height of the face was 10/ XNUMX).
But less than a century later, the sculptor Lysippus considered that the Spearman was too heavy, and suggested making the figure more elongated: now the height of the head had to fit into the human figure eight times. The architect Vitruvius (I century BC) stated the following ratios: the head is 1/8 of the body length, the face is 1/10, the distance from the top of the head to the nipples is 1/4, the arm span is equal to the height of the figure.
Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) inscribed the figure of Vitruvius in a square and in a circle, the center of which was the navel. The German artist Albrecht Dürer (1471-1528) devoted years to calculations and defined a face as beautiful, which can be divided into equal parts from the hairline to the eyebrows, from the eyebrows to the tip of the nose, from the nose to the chin. But at the end of his life, he rejected his canon, considering beauty beyond calculation. Today the formula 90-60-90 is in use, but the search continues, and, quite possibly, everything will change again tomorrow.
As always, psychoanalysis offers a special perspective. “The first “monster” that a girl admires, her first lover, the most beautiful (not in the sense of beauty, but in the sense of strength, possession of a symbolic phallus) is her father,” says psychoanalyst Serge Efez. “That is what she sees in the Beast hero, powerful, furry, masculine… It is what she finds in ugly and seductive men—and with them she can safely fulfill her unconscious fantasies of violating the incest taboo.”
Serge Tribole develops the theme of power: “The more beautiful a man is, the more feminine traits we find in him. And the ugly one does not raise such doubts: this is a man in his absolute terms. Conquering him, the woman seems to subjugate the owner of the phallus, appropriates the symbol of power. On her part, this is a demonstration of strength: real masculinity is herself!
The power of imperfection
“In fairy tales, beautiful characters are also kind, generous, generous,” says Jungian psychologist Olga Efimova. — In life, we also often mix beauty and positive human qualities in our perception. Therefore, when entering into competition, the ugly often try to compensate for the flaws in their appearance by developing useful skills in themselves either in greater numbers or in greater volume. Often they are more persistent, artistic, purposeful than their more attractive rivals. And more attentive to the chosen one of your heart.
“For success, the main thing is taking care of your partner and calm self-confidence,” says sexologist Yuri Prokopenko. – Caresses and tenderness are important – a woman opens up towards someone who is tuned in to her, and not to herself. She herself will help those who have forgotten about themselves, giving care to their beloved.
Perhaps the Beauty and the Beast story is eternal because it allows us to rethink the aesthetic ideas that block us – both men and women – from the path to happiness. In the end, a handsome prince can be shaggy, if only he turns out to be gentle and caring. And it would be nice if he still had a sense of humor and a pleasant voice!
Eternal plot
The fairy tale about the beauty and the beast excites not only children, but also adults. Why? “She symbolizes the connection of a woman with the male part of her soul,” explains Jungian psychologist Olga Efimova. – In the psyche of each of us, according to Jungian analysis, there are both parts: male and female. To get a harmonious personality, both of them must develop. But gender education often suppresses one of them.
In men, the female part suffers: they cannot cry, complain, show weakness. Such men are difficult to love. The masculine principle is restrained in girls: they are taught not to insist on their own, “not to stick out”, they are forbidden to get angry. But in order to be realized in the modern world, a woman needs “male” qualities – purposefulness, activity. This means that they need to be “gotten” from the unconscious, where they have been forced out by prohibitions, to appropriate them, to learn how to use them – and “Beauty and the Beast” is about this! Because the story and becomes more and more popular.
The monster is a symbol of the male part of the psyche, it is forced into the unconscious and frightens with its uncertainty, it seems dangerous. Therefore, the Beast appears at first scary. Gradually, Beauty tames him, gets to know everything better and discovers positive aspects in him. She is no longer afraid that it will eat her or harm her. And finally, a transformation occurs: it turns out that the Beast is not at all scary, it is disenchanted and takes on a beautiful appearance. Their marriage symbolizes complete union: the repressed part is accepted by consciousness, we gain integrity and freedom to create and enjoy life.
* A. Pushkin “Mon portrait”.