Typology of energy vampires. What makes you a victim?

“Many people pulled energy from me, but I didn’t always understand that I was facing a “vampire,” recalls 32-year-old Vera. Take my best friend. For several months I tried to cheer her up, because she was so depressed by a difficult divorce. She lived with me on the weekends, called me ten times a day, I sat with her children so that she could go somewhere to unwind. Then my husband opened my eyes: a friend was restoring her energy while I was spending mine. The last straw was that she asked me to pick up the kids for a week so she could spend time at the beauty salon. This is where my patience ran out.”

It is often difficult to understand that a loved one (friend, partner, colleague, parent) has turned into a “vampire”, and we have succumbed to it. How to recognize the “predator”?

“Soul Shakers” – who are they?

“We understand that we are in the power of a “vampire” when we notice that we are investing in a relationship more than we receive in return,” explains French psychiatrist Francois Lelor. Often this is accompanied by physical and psychological symptoms: we may feel empty, exhausted, no longer understand who we are. And the “predator” is always in ambush, every day he becomes more and more insistent, and relations with him are more and more “suffocating”.

“He didn’t let me go. Knowing full well that I no longer love him, he continued to fill up with bouquets and invitations to dinner, ”complains 35-year-old Alena. It is not difficult to expose such people and, consequently, to neutralize them. Others use more sophisticated methods and remain in the shadows. Being skillful strategists, they manage to charm the victim, then to use it to their advantage.

Among them there are “timid vampires”. “These people are sure that they will not achieve anything alone, and they are looking for help from those who seem to them stronger,” comments Lelor. For example, in the office, this is a colleague whom you help once, then the second, and then you start doing all the work for him. In a love relationship, this is a partner who falls into total dependence on the other.

Ivan has just broken up with Christina, the “depressed vampire”. “I was hooked by her fragility and vulnerability, but then I realized how wrong I was about her. I had to support her in everything, I did not have a single minute left for myself. She infected me with her depression, I saw everything in a black light.

Another tactic is used by the “charming vampire” (or “superstar vampire”). He emphasizes seduction, authority or fear, hypnotizes the victim, involves her in love or friendship, in order to then gain complete control over her. His thirst for attention is inexhaustible. “These people feel exceptional and believe that everything is rightfully theirs,” explains Lelor.

The main goal is to “possess” another person and manipulate him for his own purposes. “I got caught in the boss’s net,” recalls 40-year-old Margarita. – He seemed unusual to me: erudite, well-read, charming. When he entrusted me with delicate assignments, I felt flattered, perceived this as an act of respect and trust. Only now it was about the work that lay within his competence … Only when he put the blame on me for his gross mistake, I finally realized that he was abusing my time and my professional qualities in his own interests.

Why do we allow ourselves to be used

“Most often, the victims are vulnerable people who have experienced grief or emotional trauma and are therefore fragile, weakened. “Vampires” have a scent for such people, the ability to expose their wounds and weaknesses and put pressure on them, ”explains psychologist Roberto Cipriani.

“I attract them like a magnet! I always save everyone: loved ones, friends or just acquaintances, 28-year-old Maria complains. – What do I get in return? One hell of a mess.”

The tendency to self-sacrifice often speaks of a lack of self-respect. “Vampires” read such people and play on their guilt. “Victims, in turn, project their weaknesses and pain onto the “vampires”. So they try to heal the wounds by taking care of the other person,” adds Cipriani.

Exhausted and exhausted by relationships that alternate between agony and ecstasy, the victims are unable to break free. “These are destructive relationships that are difficult to break,” Cipriani warns. “The ‘Vampire’ needs a victim to cultivate his incredible self and the illusion of omnipotence. The victim is afraid, having lost the object to which she has dedicated herself, to lose herself.

The captured victim often prefers love hell to fear of loss. But getting rid of the power of the “vampire” is possible. “We need to try to put an end to the game of projections and regain control over our existence,” advises Cipriani. “Start listening to your desires – this will help you touch your spiritual wounds and begin to heal them.”

How to install frames

The first, most difficult step is to establish a distance between yourself and the pursuer. The next thing to ask is why you took on the role of victim: “Why did I let this happen? What am I afraid of? What seduced me? This is an important step towards liberation. By doing it, you will be able to refuse the insistent requests of another.

“The boss was constantly breaking into my office, and so often that I could not concentrate and work,” says 31-year-old Olga. “I didn’t tell him anything: I was afraid to make him angry and lose my place.” On the advice of a psychotherapist, Olga dared to talk calmly with her boss. He heard her and didn’t bother her anymore.

“It’s useless to confront the ‘vampire’ by attacking him,” Cipriani says. – He is afraid to face reality, unable to accept the limits that limit his “omnipotence”. It is important to define the boundaries, deciding for ourselves what exactly we can give him.”