Typical mistakes of parents in raising children

Why do you need a child? He was not born to make the life of his parents happy. The task of us, parents, is to make sure that the child can independently and safely exist. It is important that he can control himself, otherwise he will be controlled by others. And it is naive to think that these others will always be you.

We want our child to be able to take a blow and stand firmly on his feet? This means that we need to provide him not only with the opportunity to develop and receive new knowledge, but also the ability to apply this knowledge in life.

Living according to the principle “If you want to do well, do it yourself” is very convenient. There is no need to wash the dishes and collect broken pieces, no need to throw away a new sweater that was burned by inexperienced ironing, the food will definitely turn out to be edible, and the necessary food will be bought in the required quantity.

Sometimes just put yourself in the child’s shoes. What will he do when he finds himself in a pioneer camp without a mother for a whole month? And when will he go to the collective farm with other students? Will he be able to take care of himself and others if he goes with friends to barbecue? And what will happen if you have to study in another city and in the future – oh god! – life in a student dorm awaits him? Wouldn’t it be too late to learn how to sew on buttons, fry eggs and think about how to live on a scholarship for a month? At this age, your child will need to learn completely different things: the ability to adapt to a new social environment, and not the ability to peel potatoes and iron clothes.

Having basic life skills, apart from their parents, a child at any age will not look confused. He does not need to look for someone stronger and smarter than himself, to nail informal leaders, to make compromises, just not to feel like a helpless loss.

Pity is a poor parenting aid. If you constantly feel sorry for a person, solve all problems for him, the only thing he can take out of this is a wild mixture consisting of complexes of the victim and his chosenness. How do you feel about your friends, to whom the whole world owes something? They grow up just from such sucky children. And then they suffer all their lives because the living conditions are inappropriate: the partner does not understand, the bosses set impossible tasks, the problems arise themselves well, but they do not want to solve themselves at all, and their own children are getting out of hand … And how can you do something here? Bow down under the blows of fate and patiently wait for her to become more supportive.

If you want your child, as an adult, to be able to find a way out of any situation, show him in childhood how this is done. Don’t be afraid to regularly leave him alone to solve his childhood problems. Imagine coping with adversity is a muscle that can only be pumped up with regular exercise.

“Shut up when adults talk!”, “Don’t touch, otherwise you will break!” The child is a very trainable and very loyal creature. And he is also a very gullible person who would never even think that mom and dad can be wrong. For a small child, parents are a form of God’s existence, and their word for him is not just a law, but the ultimate truth.

Children learn their lessons well. “Acting is bad, it brings danger, damage and loss. If you want to become a good person – sit and do not twitch ”- a logical and, in general, correct conclusion from what is happening. They quickly and forever stop meddling in their own business. Therefore, their business can appear for them only as a result of a happy accident and most often – already in the second half of their lives. And not thanks to the parents, but in spite of their prohibitions, that is, from the moral point of view, it is almost illegal. And if you are lucky with your child and he is obedient, he will live his whole life avoiding active participation in this life. And only parents can be thanked for this. There is only one conclusion from this: do not interfere with the life of the children!

Our boundless, unconditional love for children blinds and makes us forget about the main thing: that we must teach our children to live independently in a large and not always safe world.

The ancient sages raised children according to the principle: “A child is a guest in your house. Feed, teach and let him go. ” We do not mind feeding at all and will gladly teach him everything that we know ourselves. But … let go ?! Beloved, precious, the only light in the window – how can we be left without it? But the same sages added: “Let the child go his own way, and this road will lead him to you.”

The child will grow up and leave to build his life. And in order for him to do this as painlessly and easily as possible, his parents must teach him to take responsibility for his life and make decisions on his own.