Explanation of traumatic behavior
Source lual.livejournal.com
It is important for him to make a scandal in order to yell after: “Look at him (her)! How does he/she behave? How he talks! And also with glasses! And also in a hat!
Actually, it is precisely for the sake of the opportunity to yell like this that everything is done. This is the moment of the masochist’s triumph, his bonus, peak experiences of himself as an evilly and cynically fucked up fighter for the truth, which constitute his main gain in relationships with other people. Actually, he doesn’t need anything else from the relationship, the whole tsimes is to recreate the situation of an early trauma in which he, a child, was rejected and insulted by older and stronger ones. And to win back this trauma in the interior of an adult self, already capable of the one who rejected and insulted, loudly convict and denounce.
All traumatists are driven by the same impulse (the difference is only in its intensity) — to restore peace of mind by replaying their trauma.
Does not work. Even on those rare occasions when opponents repent and admit, satisfaction and peace of mind still do not come. Only desolation can come, which the person himself mistakenly takes for temporary peace.
And this is completely understandable. Because those with whom the masochist is fighting now have nothing in common with those who once hurt him. These, from his adult present, are nothing more than projection screens. You can pour out your rage and protest on them as much as you like, but these feelings will continue to accumulate. Because the «abscess» that produces this emotional «pus» continues to exist. And for its cure, it is necessary that the causes that cause such feelings be recognized, and the feelings themselves be returned to the address — to those who once caused them and for whom it was impossible to openly express them.