Types of upbringing

Education is different. Education can be real and formal, natural and superficial, deep and superficial, coming from within a person and causing an internal protest in the person himself …

Good manners coming from within — and good manners against the background of internal protest

It happens that upbringing and the acquisition of upbringing occurs against the background of an internal protest of the one who is being brought up. The child does not want to learn the norms of culture, seeks to do everything across.

The reasons for this are different: both the innate characteristics of the child, and the influence of the child’s (teenager’s) environment, which broadcast the installation «Adults are enemies, do not obey adults!»

Nothing prevents a well-bred girl (to whom her parents explained what is good and what is bad) to hate the obligatory tea with all her heart and nevertheless drink it every day and even smile at her mother (because well-bred girls should be polite with their parents).

Do parents notice? Those who are inattentive may not notice, some parents may not be interested in this — because they are not interested in anything at all …

The consequences of such dissonance can be anything: there can be none. They can be terrible. Most often temporary and mediocre, like all mediocre people. What should be done to avoid such a protest? See →

Education with mind and freedom — and without mind, without freedom

It is worth seeing the difference between upbringing and suggestion (if you want a brighter word — “zombie”).

The first state is the knowledge and ability to adequately behave in society. A person knows the letter of the rules, but first of all he feels their spirit. He is free in his behavior and chooses to be — educated.

The second condition is that society has imposed a “standard package” of habits on a person. Through TV and newspapers, parents and teachers, literature and cinema. The man turned out to be suggestible and uncritical. And he can no longer behave differently. And among the samples there were “soap operas” of dubious quality interspersed with odious reality shows, and weak books, and random teachers … This person is formally brought up (“thank you,” he says, holding a fork in his left hand), but at the same time he resembles a stupidly programmed robot , to which for some reason they also screwed a block of shattered nerves and mental problems.

Watch an excerpt from the film «The Story of Us». The woman is brought up, but lives thoughtlessly, does not feel the interlocutor, and makes a terrible impression.

There is an assumption that mental health is more related to the first condition than the second.

Manifestations of good breeding

Good breeding manifests itself in a variety of forms, including the desire to be understood and the willingness to understand another.

Yuri Levitansky wrote: “… Yes, there is a lot of incomprehensible things in poetry, but when “writing is incomprehensible” becomes a creative task, this, in my opinion, is simply due to bad manners. An educated person will find a way to be understood, because he knows that there is no need to increase the «amount» of misunderstanding in a world where people already do not understand each other very well. And it seems to me that truly intelligent art is art that at least strives to be understood. To be transparent.

I began to seriously think about this just now, towards old age. Moreover, I am convinced that old age is the most suitable time for poetry, and in fact all the poetry of the XNUMXth century, the best examples of it were made by old people.

True, in old age it is quite difficult to make poetry … The heart can not stand it. But this is what I recently read in one article, I even cut it out of the newspaper, in an article where it is about which plants to treat what: those who have a sick heart are “showed” roses. Now I know what was missing in my life. I didn’t have enough roses in my life … ”(Yu. Levitansky. Mission. Newspaper of the Independent Intelligentsia. September, 1993)